31 October, 2012

Muscat Court

The beginning of my children's lives and the first formation of our family occurred on Muscat Court.  On this small court in a neighborhood on the outskirts of Athens sat four houses, make that homes.  Inside the walls of these homes lived 9 children all within a four year spread.  On this court these children learned to ride their bikes, learned to climb trees, learned to get along, and learned conflict resolution.  On this court these children learned what it meant to share--juice boxes for everyone from anyone's home.  On this court these children learned that to be a neighbor means answering the phone and picking up someone else's child because a parent is tied up at another child's doctor appointment.  On this court these children learned that to have a friend you have to be a friend.  On this court these children learned that sometimes you had to have the hard conversations, but they were done with love and respect, and the friendships continue.  On this court these children learned that the best dinners were those that included everyone contributing and grills in the center of the court.  On this court these children learned that Mommys shared their days and their dreams, reminded each other who they were before and encouraged each other to continue to grow.  On this court these children learned that Mommys and Daddys have good days and bad days but that they continue to live and laugh and love. On this court these children learned to celebrate each others successes and to be a shoulder and a friend for the disappointments that come to us all.  On this court these children learned that you have to be accountable not only to your own family but to those around you, and on this court these children learned that there are many people who will love you AND hold you accountable.  On this court these children learned that one more hour of being together outside was worth the late night bath or even going to bed dirty because you can't recapture this day or these times.  On this court these children learned what it means to respect themselves and others.  On this court these children learned that faith matters and that living your faith matters even more.  This court was empty on Sunday mornings as all four households left to attend four different churches but worshiping one God.  On this court these children learned that not everyone is blessed with the neighbors that become life long friends, and so they opened their hearts and doors to numerous other children who drove to become part of the Muscat Court gang.


From this court I have learned that foundations of faith and family and friendships matter and that even after being gone for 10 years, the lessons I learned on this court continue to resonate.  From this court I have learned that those early foundations of faith and family and friends never leave you; I have learned that these foundations are deep and lasting and that every person who lived and loved and laughed on this court helped to shape who I am and who my children are today.  Foundations matter, friendships matter, family matters, faith matters, and all this I learned from this court.

06 October, 2012

A Lesson in Living Your Faith

Caroline started a new school this year.  Because of our numerous moves as well as moving schools within Louisville, my children have been the "new kid" 12 times.  They are pretty savvy on how it plays out--in their words, "you're interesting for the first few weeks, and then people either decide they don't like you, they forget you're there and settle into the old and familiar, or they identify you with one group.  Basically it stinks."  So after 12 times, I have also become fairly adept at countering problems.  We host a lot of large get togethers--we've learned if you want to be included you have to stick your neck out there.  It's not easy. We have also tried to instill in our children that you don't exclude anyone; we'd rather have extra people than feelings hurt.  We've tried to instill it in our children, and we even try to live it; we definitely do believe it.  Sometimes I worry because it leaves them feeling confused when others don't respond in the same way.  They don't always understand what I term "playground politics" and I wonder if it leaves them vulnerable.  But we've made a choice, for better or worse.

Thursday Caroline came home from school and told me there were two parties this weekend and she hadn't been invited to either.  In a very matter-of-fact way she said she just didn't understand.  Her understanding (and I do realize she's 12) is that one of the parties included "everyone at the lunch table except her."  I first tried the, "maybe her parents put a limit on the number" angle.  (And of course this could be completely accurate.)  Caroline, "Why would you do that?  You always say if it's going to hurt someone's feelings, what's one more.  Remember when you added 3 people to Christopher's party because they found out? It's just not nice."  How do you explain to a 12 year old that not everyone operates the same way?  Not everyone believes the same thing, and quite possibly they just didn't think about it.  So instead, I sprang into fix it mode and told her to invite people over here.  Stick your neck out there; don't wallow--that's our motive.  Think about who you'd like to be friends with and invite them over; some friendships will stick and some won't, but at least you tried.

So Caroline made a list of girls to invite over, go to the mall and spend the night. Nine seventh grade girls.  I must say as the parent I held my breath as texts were sent out.  What if  no one will come?  What if no one responds?  But they did, and only one couldn't come because she was sick.  When we looked down the list I saw the name of the girl having a party (today actually).  I must have had a look on my face because Caroline said, "I like her even if she doesn't like me, and I don't want her to feel like I do about her party.  It'll be fine Mama."

And that's how I was reminded that living what you believe, living your faith, means doing it it even when it's counter-cultural; even when it means putting your hurt and pain aside to love and accept the other.  Thank you Caroline--