A Walk

Everywhere I've lived, I have found either a running of walking friend. Together we walk away the pounds, keep in shape, solve the problems of the world (or so we think), and connect. We connect our lives, our families, our joys, our sorrows, our fears, and our fun. It's a connection to one another, and to me, someone who has moved frequently, a connection to a community. Finding someone to walk/run with, tells me I belong.

This move has been difficult--extremely so. It's been just over 2 1/2 years, and I still don't feel I belong; I still feel the outsider; I still feel alone. I have no walking friend. The sign of acceptance and friendship hasn't come although I've tried. I have a "friend" here who often says, "we should walk or run together". Several times I have tried to initiate going; I thought because of schedules it never quite works. We see each other through children and seem to at times share deep thoughts, so I assumed that meant we were friends. This week, I'm off school, so I asked what day do you want to go, and we planned for Wednesday. I could do it anytime, I was free whenever, I was/am desperate. We made the plan, and this morning I emailed casually, "Are we still on? Let me know what time you get out of your meeting. I'll be ready." The response, "Well, I don't know, I'll have to let you know. It may not work." My heart has broken--I remind myself she often changes plans at the last minute, and perhaps something really has come up--she is very busy, works part time, a huge volunteer in the schools and community, and passionate about her children (which is why I thought we had so much in common and would be good friends). But I feel that thin thread of connection unraveling and am reminded once again that I don't belong.

Makes me wonder--what are other peoples' signs of belonging, of hope, of connection? Do I miss them? Am I so preoccupied with myself that I ignore other people's desperate cries for acceptance? And how do I know?

Pay attention, that's what the Holy Spirit is saying to me. Pay attention to those around you and help to heal their hearts and souls. Because I know that for some a walk is just a walk, but for me it is my sign of hope.