Last week I began thinking about this post--I was writing it in my
head--"My Crazy Multiple Personality Weekend." I was going to write about how it was a good thing I was good at color coding because I was going to need to carry color coded cards that Chris could flash at me so I would know who I was--starting Thursday I was back and forth between corporate wife, Mama to four (make that 5--foreign exchange student is still here), priest, friend and all in a rotating schedule that was hard to remember.
I was going to write about how over the course of 4 days, I was corporate wife at Pimlico (closing bigdeals, dancing in high heels--wait that's a song, but I was closing deals right Liz?), rushed home to be prom mama (read prom paparazzi), preached and celebrated Sunday morning, quick nap, priest colleague at Celebration of New Ministry (not vesting because....) rush to lax banquet, and then collapse at home counting down the hours until I could be in my therapist office where she would reintegrate my personalities and make me just me. Yep, I was going to write all that and then for a bonus last night happened and I got to have a flinging fit which put insane woman as part of my personality this weekend (that will probably show up in a blog later), so I was going to write all that and post it on my fun blog
Growing Up Doyle. But....
The weekend didn't go exactly as smoothly changing roles. Instead I found myself texting a colleague who was sitting at his mother's bedside as she slowly passed away at the same time I was taking pictures of my husband presenting a trophy; I was transferring money for the teens, answering texts about curfews while placing bets; I was communicating with the girlfriend's mother about the night before while vesting for service; and I was celebrating with my friend Bill and the rest of the clergy of the Diocese of Kentucky as I ran to the lacrosse banquet--the roles didn't change, they overlapped. Additionally the pew forum research on
America's Changing Religious Landscape was released, I listened to the Diane Rehm show, Bishop Chilton Knudsen posted in Breaking the Glass Ceiling, I went running--there was my major mistake--I went running which always leads to thinking, and then The Rev. Tim Mitchell preached a sermon on collaborative ministry, in fact the whole celebration of new ministry celebrated, raised up collaborative ministry--lay and ordained---(stay with me, by the end I think I can pull it all together)
I started thinking about comments I heard or facebook posts clergy were making about why the nominals are becoming nones--basically the people "on the fence", the ones some colleagues would say aren't totally committed anyway, now considered themselves Nones--no religious affiliation. I was thinking that we the clergy can spin this research anyway we want. We can say, "we'd rather they just admit they really don't believe anyway." We can deny there is a decrease in attendance (in my nuclear family less than 50% attend on a weekly basis--there I've admitted it my teens don't go to church every week and I'm a priest--one even says he doesn't know what he believes anymore and he argues with me about infant baptism--the world didn't just end when I told the truth); we can inflate the average Sunday attendance numbers, blame transition; we can do a lot of things, but what I think we need to do is take responsibility. I think we need to listen; I think we need to think about what kept these nominals from falling off the fence onto the side that embraces faith. I think we need to think about what our role is in the declining numbers and maybe even (read definitely) make some changes.
(Disclaimer: these are my thoughts--I welcome dialogue, but if you're going to personally attack me, please do it before 11 am--that's when I'll be in my therapist office...)
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| It's not a bug on my collar--it's monogrammed |
One of the points the guests on the Diane Rehm show pointed out was people today don't see the church as the place of authority anymore--they think independently--they don't need to go to the church for all the answers. They don't want to be TOLD what to believe, how to behave, they want to think. I started thinking how true that is not only in the church but across the spectrum of our lives. Gone are the days when people just accept exactly what a doctor tells them. Patients bring in their questions, they challenge, they do research--the doctor remains the trained expert, but there is conversation--the patient is not seen as a body to be "fixed" with no input, but rather as a body who knows his/her own body, who has a mind, who has something to contribute. The medical field has had to change or their practices decline--hmmm sounds familiar. (So most people ask questions, I still don't, but that's because I'm a doctor's daughter and I know I'm going to sign that paper which says the doctor can talk to my Daddy and he'll do the questioning. One day I'll take over--maybe.)
I think as clergy we have to re-think how we see ourselves--how we view our authority. We can no longer present ourselves as the paternal, has all the answers, saver of souls, hierarchical expert. Because guess what? We're not--it's all been a farce anyway and people know it. We are the trained experts in homiletics, exegesis, Hebrew and Greek (along with many other subjects) and we've had experiences as we've lived out our ministry that is helpful to the conversation, but those who enter our churches (and by the way why do they have to come to us--I think that's a new post to be written), they bring with themselves life experience, expertise in their fields--even and perhaps those most open are our children and youth. If we want people to be open, honest, and vulnerable in our faith communities, don't we have to be too? I believe people want a place where they can bring their questions, their fears, their doubts and we can journey together--and they don't want labels and all or nothing dogma and doctrine.
More and more people are identifying in the political world as independent instead of democrat or republican. As I was running I was thinking that seems to be indicative of people not wanting a boxed political ideology. People want to think about individuals issues and not have to "buy into" the whole party line because it's complicated. I think we have to think about that--if we as the clergy say to belong to this church you have to believe and accept and then give them a list of musts, well, seriously it's no wonder they're leaving. Let's talk about what we say in the creeds, in the Baptismal covenant, in the Gospels. Let's hear how people are experiencing these truths in their lives, and perhaps most importantly, let's stop pretending we have all the answers.
Which brings me to Bishop Knudsen (it's coming together, just be a little more patient). she wrote, "the church is losing credibility as a place to bring questions" and that "all of us need to venture into deeper levels of vulnerability and truthfulness." She wrote in her post on Breaking the Episcopal Glass Ceiling that she feels she is beginning a new ministry that she has been preparing for her entire life. She has been open about her alcoholism and recovery and both of those have been part of her preparation for this new ministry. As a person who has been criticized for being too transparent, has been told she shouldn't let people know about parenting mistakes, about any mistakes, who shouldn't be so out there, I give special thanks for Bishop Knudsen and her openness, and I vow to try to have her strength, courage and vulnerability. Bishop Knudsen brings all of herself into her ministry, I'd like to have the strength, the bravery to do the same--
That's how this post all comes together. I can't put hats on and off (although I had a gorgeous hat
thanks to Penny--even looked good with jeans and a sweatshirt). I can't change roles as though they don't overlap, shedding one for the other, because they do. All of these roles come together as I step into the pulpit and behind the altar on Sunday mornings. I am a corporate wife who worries I might say something wrong and ruin my husband's career (clearly a dramatic corporate wife) and who also enjoys the people with whom he works. They are my good friends. I am also the mother of teens who worries about grades. drinking, and drinking and driving every night but particularly on prom night, because I know it can and does happen, and I am a mother who is grateful she has an open relationship with other parents (even though it may creep Boss out that I text the girlfriend's mother--I really like her--they may break up one day but I've found a friend). I am a priest that wants to celebrate the new ministry of a colleague, is grateful for shared ministry, who pastors colleagues even long distance and through texts, and who wants to be at every game, banquet, play, and everything else for her children. I am a neurotic person (again that post will come later) who sees a therapist, who has a loving understanding husband, who is the daughter of an alcoholic, and is a person recovering from an eating disorder. All of these things inform my ministry; all of these things are part of my ministry; all of these things are preparation for current and future ministry. All of these things are me..
I believe we can change the religious landscape of America but we have to change first--we have to live into our vulnerability, our fears--we have to stop hiding who we are for fear of losing our authority, and we have to share our questions, doubts, pain and celebration in ministry equally and collaboratively among the priesthood of all believers. Instead of worrying about which side of the fence the nominals will fall, perhaps we should just tear down the fence.
