Why I Insist My Children Go to Church, On Their Terms

I love pens--I know that's bizarre (but so are so many other things that I do.)  But really, I do love them--all kinds and all colors.  But I do have my favorites.

One of my favorites is a Waterman pen  a dear friend, Kennedy Helm, gave me.  I was honored to know Kennedy and to listen to the words of advice he would often impart.  (He taught me how to take a child on a college tour--and he was mostly right; we didn't fight at all.  And said child will be attending a school of HER choice next year--but that's another story.)  Kennedy always signed everything with his own fountain pen  kept in his coat pocket.  Ask him to sign a paper while holding a pen, he would still reach for his.  When I was ordained Kennedy and his equally wonderful wife, Elizabeth, gave me a Waterman pen.  "With which to write your sermons," Kennedy said, "Or sign the books when you finally publish them."  I love that pen.  Kennedy has passed away and I don't see Elizabeth nearly enough.  I miss them both tremendously.

Several weeks ago I ran out of the pen's ink cartridges.  Life, and snowy weather and illness, have all conspired against me and getting to Office Depot (Kennedy's recommendation on where to buy replacements) to purchase new cartridges.  Today, stuck at home because one car is in the shop and the other three drivers had real things they needed to do, I braved the single digit temperatures and walked to Office Depot.

When I got home, I immediately put a new cartridge in and started trying to write some long overdue notes.  My stomach dropped a bit--it was scratchy and jumped over spaces--it wasn't smooth at all.  What was wrong with it?!?!!  As I felt the panic began to rise, I hadn't written down how Kennedy told me to clean it,  I heard Kennedy's voice in my head, "Make sure you use it frequently.  If you don't it won't write smoothly.  You also have to write with it often so it learns your hand; it becomes part of you.  A pen can be used by anyone but it also becomes very personal. You have to press down with just enough pressure.  Don't be afraid to press down, but not hard enough to damage the nib. You'll get the hang of it."  I hadn't been writing with it--and so I started writing my name over and over on a piece of paper until it finally became more smooth, more clear, and once again a part of me.

As I was repeatedly writing my name it dawned on me, this is why I both insist my children go to church and why I don't make them acolyte or sing in the choir or be a Eucharistic minister unless they want to.  This is why they attend church and why they are allowed to, encouraged to, question and challenge what they hear in sermons (yes, even mine), what they read in Scripture, and how they see people behave. They are allowed to participate on their terms.  Chris and I, along with their Godparents, presented our children to be baptized and made these promises.

Will you be responsible for seeing that the child you present
is brought up in the Christian faith and life?

Parents and Godparents

I will, with God's help.

Celebrant

Will you by your prayers and witness help this child to grow
into the full stature of Christ?

Parents and Godparents

I will, with God's help.

                                                      (BCP p. 302)

And we will uphold them (this is also what I tell them when they ask why they have to go to church--we made promises).  Chris and I make sure the children are in church and my hope and prayer is that with constant use their faith will become a part of them AND that it will be their own personal faith, not what I tell them to believe but what they really believe.  I suspect there will be times life gets scratchy, but I pray that because we have kept the promises we made at their baptisms they will have what they need to work through those times.  I pray that we have given them the tools they need to refill their souls.  And I pray that they are surrounded by people who press them into finding their own faiths, I pray that they press themselves hard enough to find their own faith, but not hard enough to damage them.  

Thank you Kennedy--you continue to impart valuable wisdom.  And now I will go write a note to Elizabeth--it's high time we had lunch.