The first lesson came as we were packing. The travel agent told us we could each take a 12 pack of soft drinks and we could take one bottle of booze. I was surprised. I will never forget unpacking in the state room and Gangan pulling mini bottles out of the toes of her shoes. (And she had A LOT of shoes--incase anyone's wondering where I got my shoe habit from, look no farther than Gangan; it's in the genes.) "Girls," she said, "Remember they over charge for everything on a cruise. We're going to have cocktails in the cabin before dinner." Later that afternoon when we were sitting around the pool and all those fun colorful drinks with the umbrellas were going past, we obediently looked the other way. "Aren't ya'll going to have something to drink?" Gangan asked. The three of us looked back and forth at each other wondering whether this was a trick question--I suspect Beth and Meredith were getting ready to throw me under the bus somehow (I was always Mikey--a role I cherish to this day) when Gangan said, "I said we were going to have cocktails before dinner in our room, I didn't say not to have any fun during the day. Just limit yourself and know we have drinks in the room." Gangan taught us that there is a balance between being thrifty and enjoying yourself. Neither should control you. And so Gangan I feel it is my duty to have one fun drink a day--a toast to you, and I'll have my cocktail before dinner in the room--thank you Chris for my bottle!
The night before we were to board I was lecturing the girls the same way Gangan lectured us. Do not put your drink down and walk away. Do not leave each other under any circumstances. And then I remembered these words, "If one of you wantst to take a midnight stroll with a young man you have met, you other two need to follow at a safe distance. No one gets left alone." "Gangan," we exclaimed, "We shouldn't be spying on each other. That will make it uncomfortable." Gangan looked us straight in the face and said, "None of you should be doing anything with a boy you've just met that you can't let your cousins see. Kiss away but that's it. Do I make myself clear?" I'm not sure any of us made eye contact with her but we definitely said, "yes ma'm" (And the answer to who had the midnight stroll and who were the followers will remain our secret.) She taught us to respect ourselves, the importance of boundaries, and the unbreakable bond of family and friendship. That bond lasts today.
Being on the ship brings memories of that trip back one right after another. There were three elderly woman on the ship with very young men. They appeared to be incredibly wealthy and the young men were extremely attractive; somehow, (I'm not sure I want to know how) Gangan found out the men were paid escorts and the women were her age (trust me Gangan looked much younger and I'm hoping I got her genes!) One night as we were dancing in the disco, yes with Gangan, a young man came up to Gangan and asked her to dance. Gangan was an incredible dancer. She was out on the floor dancing with this good looking man 50+ years her junior, she turned to us sitting in a booth watching and shouted over the music, "And he's doing it for free!" Yes the women and their escorts were in the disco as well--I never said Gangan taught us tact. When she came back to the booth Gangan looked at all of us and said, "Always respect yourselves; always believe you are good enough; never let anyone make you feel less than. And never pay for something you can get for free." The last part I've got; still working on believing I'm good enough, but that's another blog--plus I always have Gangan in my ear to remind me.
Gangan went on many cruises and she made friends on all of them. The people who sat at our table during that cruise remained in contact with Gangan until she died. Gangan reached across age, geographical location, gender and socio-economic background to embrace those around her. To learn about others, and to maintain friendships. She enjoyed being with her granddaughters on the trip, but she didn't isolate herself. Gangan taught us that broadening circles just broadens the fun.
I'm on this cruise with SK, her friends, and another mother. It's their senior trip, and I want it to be about them. It's a hard balance. I so enjoy the girls and I'm already grieving SK leaving in 4 1/2 months. Gangan continues to be my model. We ate dinner together and were together on the ship some, but then Gangan would wander off and do her own thing. She found people to play cards with or to talk to as we basked in the sun. We all ate dinner together, went to a show or the disco together, and then she would go to bed leaving us to enjoy the nightlife of the young. Kissing us each she reminded me to tap her when we got back to the cabin, whispered, have fun and was off. I hope I'm balancing that with the grace Gangan did. This morning I was lugging four beach bags and towels up 7 flights of stairs (Gangan also taught us that the way to enjoy the food on the ship withouth gaining a ton of weight was to only take the stairs) and I thought about how some people may say this was being a martyr or servitude but I just remembered that Gangan got up each morning, went up on deck and reserved chairs for us so we could sleep in. I'm sitting here on the deck with chairs reserved secretly hoping SK will remember this week for at least 24 years.
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