One Day, One Game Does Not Define You

I woke up Wednesday morning to an unsettling email from the Collegiate lacrosse coach.  The boys had a game the previous night in Lexington.  Neither Chris nor I was there--it's Holy Week so of course Chris is traveling (he has traveled for the last four years during Holy Week--coincidence?), and I was well, again, it's Holy Week.  (Apparently the high school lacrosse association does not recognize Holy Week--all three Doyle lacrosse players have multiple games this week.)  Anyway back to the email--apparently the Collegiate players in addition to losing, did not play as a team, did not show good sportsmanship, and basically did not represent Collegiate well.  The email first apologized to all the parents who had traveled so far to watch the game and had to witness this poor sportsmanship (I had to put aside my guilt at this point, being angry helped).  Then he called the boys out--he didn't berate them.  He listed their inappropriate behavior, told them what he expected of them, and challenged them to step up.  It was a well written email--straight forward, challenging, and giving room for redemption.   When the boys woke up I asked them about it (always a risk early in the morning to a) speak to teenage boys and b) bring up something negative), but I was frankly embarrassed and disappointed that the boys had behaved in that way.  So I asked them, "Were ya'll part of this?" Both answered "yes ma'm" but wouldn't look me in the eye.  I just responded, "I'm glad I wasn't there to see it.  I hope I never have to." and then I stopped talking (read the last blog post--I'm really trying!)

Last night after practice and dinner (I also realize bringing up difficult discussions when teenage boys blood sugar is low is not at all a smart move), the boys and I were watching the news.  "So," I tried to casually bring up, "what did Coach say at practice about the game last night?"  Christopher responded, "He was furious but didn't say much.  It was kind of scary.  It was like Coach Wabrek--that silent angry treatment."  Christopher left the room to get homework done, and William and I sat in silence for a few more minutes.  "I emailed the coach this morning," William informed me.  I immediately thought he meant his coach, so I said, "Did he respond to you or talk to you about it at practice?"  "No Mama," William patiently corrected, "I emailed the coach of the Lexington Catholic team."  "Oh," I said a bit surprised, "What did you say? And how did you find his email address?" "I went on their website, found the tab for athletics and looked it up.  I told him I was sorry and that wasn't who I was."  I was still trying to get my head around this as I asked, "Did you copy Coach Falinski?"  "No Mama, this was about my character and not winning brownie points with a coach.  I forgot who I was during the game, and I needed to fix that.  I'm going to go take a shower."

William left and I sat there not knowing how to respond, so I did what any nosey Mama would do, I hacked into his email account and this is what I found,

From: Doyle, William <17dwd@loucol.com>
Date: Tue, Apr 15, 2014 at 9:27 AM
Subject: Sportsmanship
To: matthewcampbell1122@gmail.com

Dear Mr. Campbell,

My name is William, and I am a freshman at Louisville Colligate School, and I would like to apologize for the actions of my sportsmanship last night. There is no excuse for the way I acted, cussing, throwing my lacrosse stick, and many other things. I just want you to know that that is not the person that I am. My team mates and I made terrible decisions last night, when it comes to sportsmanship. I am going to ask you to push this message to your players. As I said earlier that that is not the person who I am, I am truly sorry for the way I acted. There is no excuse for this to happen, there is no reason that this email should be sent, there is no reason why I acted like that. Again I am very sorry for the way that I acted at the game.

Sincerely,

William Doyle

9th grade Louisville Colligate

I have been reflecting on this for the last 12 hours and here's what I have learned

1.  Our character is about our entire lives--social, school, work, athletics--everything

2.  We all make mistakes.

3.  I have judged people before and made assumptions about who they are as people based on one encounter.  That is not fair--it is judgmental and just plain wrong.

4.  It's important to speak up; to admit you're wrong and to start again.  There is sin, but there is forgiveness, redemption and grace.

Our Families' Motto

5.  It does take a village--parents, coaches, teachers, mentors and friends to build up children.  It takes us all to in positive appropriate ways hold our children accountable and to push them to being the best they can be.  Thank you Coach Falinski; you are an amazing role model for my sons and for many others.  You are a gift to us all.

6.  And finally the cynic in me has been challenged--not everybody does "good" things for self serving reasons.  Sometimes they just do them because they're the right thing.

May we all remember that every encounter we have with others gives them a glimpse into who we are-- into our character; may we also remember that mistakes do happen,may we be big enough to admit them and move on; and may we also remember that when we encounter someone and it is negative that is one encounter and may not in fact be a true representation of the person--may we seek to understand, to forgive and not to judge.  May we seek to extend grace. And may we all remember as we move through life, make mistakes and are tempted to berate ourselves or to allow these mistakes to take over who we are, that one day does not define you.  There is always tomorrow; there is always grace.