Keep Calm and Put Your Lily On

I have to admit when I got the email, I was flattered.  The Courier Journal wanted to highlight me in Stylemaker.  Okay I admit it; first I went straight to my middle school girl mode and wondered if someone was playing a joke on me or making fun of me--but that's another story and probably for my therapist.  Anyway, I admit it; once I knew it was real, I was flattered and a tad bit proud and definitely surprised.  I don't see myself as a style person; I never won one of those "best dressed" "most attractive" "best hair" (There is a girl in SK's UVA class that got "best hair".  She told everyone at orientation.); I just see myself as an average person who probably spends too much on clothes--no comment please Chris.  So it felt good--and at the same time it felt weird and a little bit shallow.  Nonetheless after talking to several people, I decided to do it. Sunday, August 3--there I was; here I am.  The Rev. Katherine Doyle; Stylemaker.

I got to work early and was truly surprised by the number of people who had already seen it.  What are all these people doing getting up early enough on a Sunday morning to read the paper and get to church?  Seriously, ya'll sleep in!!!  People were bringing me copies, posting them on the bulletin board, ribbing me a little, talking about the publicity for Calvary, and saying how much they enjoyed it.   (I even had one parishioner ask me if she could now be my adopted grandmother--that has to be the best thing that has come from this.  I love you Grandma Lois!)  So overall it seemed to be accepted positively and in good fun as I had intended it to be.  I left work that day breathing a sigh of relief that I hadn't greatly offended anyone.  I knew there were probably some people who didn't think it was such a great idea, but no one who was angry enough to tell me or my boss.

Later that evening I was talking to one of my best friends who is also a female priest in this Diocese.  (I can already hear some of ya'll's brains trying to figure out who she is--let's put it this way Anne was out of town, so it wasn't her.  Does that help?)  As best friends who also know how neurotic you are do, she started with, "Please don't take this as criticism, but I wanted to tell you some of the comments I heard today.  Well, from the two people who made semi-negative comments."  I took a deep breath; I really did want to hear--I am learning that listening to people with different perspectives doesn't make my choices wrong but it helps me understand people, so I said, "Please tell me."  The two comments that have stayed with me from these two gentlemen are, "I wish she'd talked more about her ministry." and "What kind of priest wears Lily?"  (To which thankfully my friend could say, "Well I do.")   The first has been easier to think about; in fact, I kind of agree.  When I was answering the questions I even wanted to figure out a way to do it, but the questions were very specific and this was the style section.  I hoped my style philosophy could be read that way, as part of who I am as a priest, but honestly looking back perhaps I could have said something else, made it more clear--water under the bridge--(which is why I keep a hammer in my glove compartment--just another neurosis of mine.)  The second comment has been hard to let go.  What does that even mean?  Should a priest not wear Lily because it's too colorful or too pricey?  Does that mean a doctor or lawyer shouldn't wear clothes from Target or Walmart (which I also do AND I know doctors and lawyers who do as well!)?  I keep returning to this comment not because I think I am wrong but because I wonder what it means and because I strongly disagree with it--and that's been a journey.

The week before ordination I was in tears in the Bishop's office.  I was questioning whether I should be ordained.  I had repeatedly read the questions I was too answer and I was terrified particularly with this one.
Will you do your best to pattern your life [and that
of your family, or household, or community] in 
accordance with the teachings of Christ, so that you 
may be a wholesome example to your people?  (BCP, 532)

I had four children--three already teenagers.  I had long ago realized that while Chris and I were doing our best and it was actually pretty good, I had no control over some of the choices they might make  I was worried that we wouldn't be a wholesome example and I was worried about putting my children in the position that they had to be.  Bishop White wisely and calmly reminded me that it said, "will you do your best".  He also told me that being able to say you're sorry and admit when you or your family makes mistakes is a witness and a good example of living in accordance with the teachings of Christ.  (In these past two years we've been able to be THAT kind of model repeatedly!)  I then told him that I was struggling with some of how we lived.  What did it look like that we had three children in private school?  (I have to totally fight the urge to explain and describe all the sacrifices we have had to and still make in order to do this--oh wait I didn't fight that urge very well....)  Again Bishop White calmly told me that it was good that I considered these things but the choices Chris and I made for our family were just that our choices.  Would some people have something to say about it?  Probably, but he also reminded me that people would have something to say about many things I did--sermons I preached; decisions I made.  He told me that I needed to be okay with my choices  made through prayer and discernment and discussion with Chris, and then take the black eyes that may come.  He also reminded me that God had called me to this vocation; I heard the call, the community heard and supported me in the call.  God knew who I was (he didn't add neurosis and all, but I bet he thought it) and God called.  It was my job to answer.

As I continue to think about the question, "What kind of priest wears Lily?" I have had to return to that conversation with the Bishop.  We never discussed my choice of dress (although I am told there was conversation around the Diocese about what heels I would wear), but the conversation still helps me.  How one dresses does seem to define people far more than I wish it did.  I'm as guilty as anyone else--I often say to my children, "How you present yourself matters.", but what I don't agree with is that brand should matter.  I am a mother, a wife, an athlete (or ex-athlete), a southerner, a prep, and a priest.  All of these make up who I am, and all of these were part of me when God called and I answered.

Saturday while at the needlepoint shop I saw a canvas that says, "Keep calm and put your lily on" I laughed, but I think I'm going back to get it.  I'm going to stitch it and then put it in my office, next to the pictures of my family, my Bibles, and my prayer beads.  I'm going to do it to remind myself that God loves all the parts of me just like God loves everyone else--no exceptions.  I am grateful for the question--it helped me to own that.