Just Another Way to Think About Grandparents' Day

Last week a friend posted this on facebook "Glad another Grandparent's Day is over. Not to be a downer but it really stinks for kiddos who don't have grandparents who can come." I had a visceral reaction that surprised and confused me.  Our family has been that family many many times, and we have also lived in the same city.  Why was I tearing up and finding myself angry? I had no idea, so I watched the comments that followed trying to figure out the source of my discomfort...

As I ruminated (read obsessed over) this post and the comments, I swayed back and forth like the swinging pirate ship at an amusement park.  I thought about how sad it could be for children not to have their grandparents there because they live too far away or are deceased, and then I thought about how equally or perhaps more sad it is to have grandparents who live in the same city and yet for any number of reasons (some good) choose not to participate.

I continued to follow the comments and the intense emotion behind many of them.  On the one hand I totally understood, but on the other I thought, "Really?  Grandparents Day was not created to personally affront you. Just like Father's Day or Mother's Day or any other day."  And then I felt terribly guilty for having those thoughts and swore I would never utter them publicly.  (I'm really good at beating myself up as a dear friend and mentor reminded me last night as I cried to him about something else...)

As I squirmed inside and tried to forget the post which I think was really just an attempt to express a valid feeling and not an attempt to create a public frenzy, I thought about all those Grandparents Days my children have experienced.  I thought about all those events (games, recitals etc) that my children have experienced when we lived nowhere near family and while I remembered I was occasionally momentarily bothered during those times, what I really remembered was all the families who welcomed us in to become part of their families. I thought about all the people who stepped up and became extra grandparents for our children, and I gave thanks (and I posted--"We always had neighbors and friends go. It does stink in many ways, but it's also a great way to expand the circle of people who love them."

Unfortunately, that wasn't enough to make me stop cogitating (we're working on SAT words in our house)...

I moved beyond thinking about specific days where a "grandparent" was needed--(Although I will never forget Miss Gwen flying out of the office to get to Field Elementary to sit with my babies...we love you Miss Gwen) and I began thinking about people who have just been additions to our grandparenting family--Miss Susan, Dr. Tracy, Walt, Andrea, Christopher, Helena,--people who have life experiences and perspectives different from mine or Chris's and have been so valuable in the development of our children.  (And I haven't even touched the lists of honored aunts and uncles...)

Let me be clear our children are blessed to have 4 living grandparents and an extra special bonus grandmother who are involved in their lives, who love them unconditionally, and for that we are eternally grateful.  But we are also grateful for those who have come into our lives and expanded the circle of love and security surrounding us and our children.

As I sat in church Sunday morning first giving thanks for the fact that I didn't have to preach on the Gospel (Mark 7:24-37); you know the one where the Gentile woman of Syrophoenecian origin challenges Jesus who seems to be refusing to heal her daughter of demons basically calling her daughter a dog...it's a really tough one! (And one that btw, Grace Aheron nailed in her sermon; her words also have been resonating with me--but that's a different post.)

Anyway, as I listened to the Gospel I thought about where Jesus was physically located at that time--not in his hometown.  I thought about how Jesus said in Luke 8:21, "My mother and brothers are those who hear God's word and put it into practice."  These two thoughts swirled together. Lightbulb--Jesus was expansive; Jesus moved outside of the comfort zone of his hometown; Jesus enlarged his circle not just the circle of his family into the disciples and the disciples into the Jews but beyond--into the world of the Gentiles--really just into the world.

I suspect it was hard.  Jesus was not only fully divine but fully human.  I suspect he missed his mama and his biological brothers and sisters.  I wonder if he missed the comfort of knowing the family rituals, hearing the same stories over and over, having common thoughts and ideas?  I wonder if there were times he laid his head down at night and wished he was falling asleep with his mama in the room down the hall, singing the songs from his childhood...

Yet, if Jesus had not moved out, if Jesus had not been challenged by the Syrophoenecian woman (AND CHANGED HIS MIND!! He was challenged to look at the world a different way, to consider a different perspective, to hear a different voice...), I wonder how the world would have changed or more importantly how it would not have changed?  I wonder how many people would not have stretched their minds, become more tolerant and more inclusive?  I wonder how many people would not understand that ALL people regardless of origin are created in the image of God and have something to offer the world?

So yes, I understand all the posts and comments that fly around during celebrations like Grandparents Day about missing the biological family.  But, I also realize how much growth, how much good, how much love can happen when our circles are expanded and sometimes it means not having what we want when we want it for that to happen.  Sometimes it may mean being a little sad, a little uncomfortable.  If we always only had our "real" Grandparents available, would we even reach beyond?

I'm glad we have had to reach beyond and I'm very glad others reached back.  I think about all the love our children would have missed if we hadn't---it's just another way to think about Grandparents' Day.

I recognize that some of these people I have listed are not yet grandparents and of course far too young to be grandparents ;) but they have wisdom far beyond ours so they get that honorary title!