To Collar or Not To Collar

I began attending Marist High School in the 7th grade (a college

prep Catholic high school--7-12-- in Atlanta, Georgia). Not long into the school year I started hearing people talk about how quickly they got out of their uniforms when they got home or that they hated it when they had to run errands after school still in their uniform. I was very confused. I loved wearing my uniform; I loved people asking me where I went to

school; I loved people knowing I went to Marist...

Recently (read since I've been criticized or questioned about why I don't always wear my collar) I've thought a lot about my days at Marist and why I loved the uniform so much.  Keep in mind, I was a 7th grade girl which easily translates into a self centered, insecure individual, but I know, and frankly I knew then, I loved it because it made me stand apart; it made me feel special; deep breath...it made me feel better than...

And it made me feel like I belonged.

It made me feel like I belonged AND that I belonged to something better than, something above others, something privileged, and I liked that feeling. I am not going to beat myself up about how I felt then--I was 13 for crying out loud who late in the spring of that very year was diagnosed with an eating disorder, so clearly I had issues--but it does make me stop and think.  It makes me think about belonging, and it makes me think about motivation and intention. And it makes me think about thin lines....

We all want to belong; we were created to be in relationship--and we all want to feel special...the problem I think is that we believe in order for us to feel special we have to be above someone else--

Don't get me wrong; there are many ways we exhibit belonging that are innocent--we wear our team colors, people get t-shirts made for family reunions, matching tattoos (yes, still thinking about one for myself) just to name a few.  And there are times we need to stand out--there are times we need to identify who we are--doctor's in scrubs; officials in games; and even priests in collars...

But I think there are also times we use these "things" to stand out for not so good reasons.  And there are times we use these "things" as armor against the world.  I suspect this helps explain gangs and their colors and their signs....

I was a little girl just entering the teen years, and like many little girls I was insecure and scared but trying desperately not to let anyone know. That uniform became my armor--proof I was good enough, proof I was special, proof I belonged. And it became a way for me to ignore my true feelings, to deal with my true feelings...

What I know now is I wasn't alone and I also know (although still need to be reminded) that I am special and I belong simply because I am a person created in the image of God.  But here's the really important thing, so is EVERYONE ELSE!!!  At our baptisms we are "sealed and marked as Christ's own forever" oh that that sign would be enough for everyone...

So the answer to the question do I wear my collar all the time is no. And I am very conscious of when

Thinking? Or overthinking?

Sometimes it's monogrammed

I wear it and what it represents--I continually challenge myself.  Am I wearing it to stand out and to be special? Am I wearing it to be given special treatment? (okay maybe in the airport...) or am I wearing it because it is part of who I am, part of who God created me to be? Am I wearing it to be "above others" or to be with others--with others as equals, all belonging, all special in our own ways?

I loved my years at Marist; I love the friends I have kept and reconnected with--they are part of my journey in life--they are part of forming who I am today.  And I still proudly wear my Marist ski hat (The Hat), and I always will, but now I wear it for the right reasons.