"If I Were a UVA Parent...."

"If I were a UVA parent..." words spoken by numerous people all over social media, in the news, in conversations over the last 48 hours. "If I were a UVA parent..." but you're not, and I am.

I am a UVA parent, and just to be completely transparent, I am a UVA parent of a white woman. Over the last 48 hours I have been seized by terror, anger, anxiety and my student is white. I cannot begin to imagine how intense the emotions of African American parents must be as they watched the assault on Charlottesville and the University of Virginia by white supremacists. I can only speak from my perspective.

What I do know is this. What occurred in Charlottesville was as John Pavlovitz said in his blog (Full blog)
This is racism.
This is domestic terrorism.
This is religious extremism.
This is bigotry.
It is blind hatred of the most vile kind.
It doesn’t represent America.
It doesn’t represent Jesus.
It doesn’t speak for the majority of white Americans.
It’s a cancerous, terrible, putrid sickness that represents the absolute worst of who we are.

I know these people descended on Charlottesville and the University wanting to spew their vile evil and hate. But there are many things I don't know.

The march onto the hallowed Grounds on Friday night was a surprise march. I don't know how far in advance the surprise was discovered. I don't know when President Teresa Sullivan, president of UVA, knew of the onslaught or what she tried or didn't try to do.  I do know this is public property and that she had to follow the law. I do not know what she was doing behind the scenes. I do not know what phone calls she was making or what advisors she was consulting. I do not know whether she crossed the street.

I do know I am heartbroken this happened in Charlottesville at my beloved University. And yes I did want my daughter to leave and come to me at the beach. But I never, not once, considered driving to Charlottesville, demanding my tuition, and removing my daughter--and for anyone who knows SK you know she wouldn't have left anyway.


What I also know is this isn't the first time I have wanted to drive to C'ville and grab my daughter. It has not been an easy 3 years. Very shortly after SK arrived for her first year Hannah Graham went missing and then was found murdered; she experienced the abhorrent violent arrest of Martese Johnson; she was there when Rolling Stone printed an article--later to be found false--that brought to light the culture of sexual predators and assault in the Greek culture both at UVA and across the country, and each and every time I watched a little bit more of her innocence ripped away.

And each and every time I also watched those spaces of her filled with a strength and maturity that left me speechless. I watched that innocence be replaced with kindness, compassion, power and the drive to be part of the solution. I saw her grow before my very eyes into a leader that recognizes her privilege and seeks ways to use it to walk with others. I saw her march, attend candle light vigils, attend prayer services, and sit and cry with those who were marginalized. And I learned from her; I continue to learn from her.

I watched these parts of her grow as she participated in the life of the University--in the academic village that Mr. Jefferson created. A village that has professors, students, and leaders living, studying and dialoging together. A university that respects the voices of the students.

Yes, I know Mr. Jefferson, our third president, was a slave owner. And that is horrible and evil and there is NO part of that I don't condemn. But that's not all he was. Did you know part of the reason Mr. Jefferson founded UVA was in response to his disappointment in his alma mater William and Mary that required all students to agree to the same religious beliefs? In a letter to William Roscoe Jefferson writes, "This institution will be based on the illimitable freedom of the human mind. For here we are not afraid to follow truth wherever it may lead, nor to tolerate any error so long as reason is left free to combat it." The truth we need to be following is that ALL are equal and we're nowhere near there

What I do know is that these thousands of white supremacists who tried to besiege Charlottesville were NOT created by UVA (yes, I know at least one of the leaders was, but not the majority). What I do know is what UVA has helped to create in my daughter. A woman who last year traveled to South Africa despite the danger to work for race reconciliation; a woman who this summer took an 8 week unpaid (long coveted--she heard Becca Stevens speak when she was in high school) internship with the Magdalene House of Thistle Farms (Thistle Farms ); a woman who before she left the danger this weekend texted all the middle and high school students she has mentored to make certain they were safe and to assure them she was there if they needed her; and a woman who showed up at St. Paul's Episcopal Church this morning because she believes despite the evil she witnessed this weekend there is always hope.

So no, I'm not descending upon Carr's Hill (the President's home) to demand my tuition or to berate President Sullivan for what she did or did not do. And I'm also not judging those who are choosing to withdraw their children. But I am suggesting there may be another option. Perhaps what we parents should do is to descend on Carr's Hill or in the President's email to ask, "What can WE do? How can WE be part of the solution? How can WE support you?"