Henry Doyle is Why (And 4 other little Doyles....)

We moved to Louisville from England in the spring of 2008. To say it was not what I expected is an understatement.

What did I expect? Well, I'm not entirely sure--okay I'm lying. I thought it would be an instant group of friends with cookouts and a full social calendar after all Chris did grow up here. I thought it would be every Sunday dinners with the extended family, non stop visiting among us, huge fan bases at sporting events and never any disagreements or hurt feelings. So I guess I expected the 1950's TV version of life. (I'm  not really good with the whole expectations thing. When we moved to England I expected Dickens like Christmases...maybe I'm delusional?)

So what did I get instead?

Instead I got the 21st century where family is moving in hundreds of different directions, our children's ages spanned 18 years and they all went to different schools, most of Chris's friends have moved away (I said most, not all spirit parties with the Apples have been a definite bonus), and occasionally there were hurt feelings. I guess you could say I got real life--the good, the bad and the ugly. (And Chris never failed to remind me during the ugly--that would be my ugly tearstained face--I am not a pretty crier--that I was the one who pushed to move here.)

I suppose over the years my expectations changed read I began to try--try to drop expectations on and for others, and just to be clear, it's not like I fulfilled everyone's expectations of me either. To be completely honest the biggest expectation I changed was relationships among the cousins. It wasn't easy; I was jealous--jealous of my sister-in-laws whose children (oh yeah and their husbands) were closer in age. Again if I'm honest I constantly put on my big martyr armor. I convinced myself I was leading the charge--our children were the oldest and some day they'd "get" how hard it was. But along with that martyr façade I carried resentment. I resented that our children were often not at the family gatherings or not there for long because they had other things they had to do or chose to do---they're teenagers after all. And I really resented that I felt like I was judged because of it (FELT NOT WAS).

Several weeks ago William was home for fall break. As he was leaving I asked him what his favorite part of being home was and he responded without so much as a second hesitation, "Hanging out with Henry." I was stunned--his high school freshman cousin won out over the girlfriend who is not a girlfriend, over his friends he hadn't seen in two months, over the best friend/little sister, and most importantly over ME!

Two days ago, the day after we got back from visiting Boss, Henry changed his cover photo on facebook. He hasn't seen Boss in over 8 months but he loves and misses him and this was the picture he chose.

And last night Henry had to have emergency surgery. Caroline was going to sleep in today--she came down very early to ask how he was and to say she couldn't sleep. She was worried about him. She showered, dressed and headed to the hospital.

The journey hasn't been as I planned--they haven't developed relationships that I orchestrated, but they have developed and will continue to develop relationships; the journey continues. And this....

This is why we moved to Louisville....