I have to start this blog by admitting that we just got home last night after spending a week at the beach--so I'm certain my attitude is a bit colored.
Driving home as we got closer and closer to Louisville (after the 10 hour trip) I began to feel a bigger and bigger weight on my chest. I'm sure part of this is due to having to get back to reality, but part of it is wondering "when will this feel like home?" I'm so blessed that for the other five members of the family, it already does. So this morning, I wonder to myself what to do to fend off the loneliness and to avoid becoming a drudgery to the rest of the family? Having a masters in psychology and having led many groups on depression, I know that one of the "tricks" is to stay busy. (with four children that's not so hard to do!) I truly do believe that this is what it will take for me, but there is still a niggle in my mind.
I know someone who spent her adult life staying busy to keep the monster of unhappiness at a safe distance. I've witnessed the later part of her life and realize that eventually the monster breaks through--no one can stay busy enough to avoid feelings forever. So the question is, how to know when it's just a matter of time for sadness to go away and when it's a monster that is waiting to be fed?
1 comment:
Katherine, I cannot tell you the number of times I have done that same thing. We drive up to our "house" after being gone and I long for it to feel like, "ahhh....my home sweet home...I cannot wait to get in there and sink into the familiarity..." You cannot push it or make it happen...it's like the best "a-ha!" moment ever when the house you buy finally feels like home. Trust Katherine....please trust. God will guide you every step of the way if you let him and you don't have to wonder if you are just staying busy to keep a breakdown at bay. Think of this time as planting a seed. It isn't going to be a tree overnight...but before you know it you are going to see a precious sapling...and then one day..."sit under the seed" you planted in faith and enjoy the comfort and shade of a beautiful oak tree. Katherine - it WILL happen. This seed will bring you comfort one day. Just take it one day at a time, make memories with your family and the house will become a home.
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