In January I was at my daddy and bonus mama's house for the weekend. I sat on the bed in their room as Marguerite put away my daddy's clothes. Daddy is 73, still works more than 60 hours a week, and walks several miles a day, but well he's 73 and just recovering from prostate cancer--he's more tired than usual, and I noticed how loving and kind Marguerite is to him, so I told her. "Marguerite, thank you for loving and taking care of my daddy. You are so good to him. You do so much for him. I mean just now putting away his clothes. I just put Chris' on the bed and he puts them away whenever he feels like it. And you do it without griping." (Okay I said bitching) "Katherine," Marguerite responded staring me straight in the face, "I love your daddy and I don't see it as a chore at all. I'm so happy that I get to do it for him. We're not young and I don't know how long I'll get to do these things for him, so I do them happily always remembering I won't get to do them forever." BAM! What a change in attitude--not doing things because you have to but rather because you get to---we may be younger, but to love that way--not knowing what day will be your last. To consider that caring for one another is not a chore but a privilege.. Man I love my bonus mama!
I returned home, cleaned out Chris' dresser, and began always putting his clothes away--because I get to..It has totally changed how I view doing so many things. It seems simple, but our relationship has changed. My perspective and attitude have changed. I'm not angry and bitter, and he noticed, acknowledged and thanked me. Simply changing my thought process from what I "have to do" to what I "get to do" has drastically changed the tone of our home. I am so grateful for those few minutes with Marguerite; they changed me. (Bonus Mama's are the best!)
Today as I worked in the yard and thought about how to tell Chris about my latest commitment, (SK counseled texting him when he was traveling and not likely to be home soon because she didn't want to see his face) I returned to these words, and while I recognize this is rationalization on steroids, it's also what I believe.
Thursday I agreed to be on the slate as president elect of the PA provided I could find someone to be Booster Club President (I did). I hesitated and then my very good friend/practically family person (next year I may consider her the enemy depending on how this job goes) said, "You'd be really good. Plus it's just three years. One president elect, second president, and third past president. You'll get through and then have one year before Caroline is gone." Well that did it--mention to me my children leaving home and you can get me to do just about anything. (What in the heck were we thinking having our children so close? When you have them close, they leave ONE AFTER ANOTHER! I'm so not ready.) So I said, okay....
And then I started thinking...I seem to say yes a lot to things I shouldn't. But hey, this isn't a school carnival. I have chaired those in every school we have ever been a part of except these last two. I HATED doing it; the family HATED me doing it. The last one I chaired my children didn't even attend and Chris said to me, "Seriously darling, if you ever chair one of these again, I will divorce you." "But Chris," I said, "if I don't no one will." Chris in his very calm way (just like my therapist stating the obvious, and for free) said, "Maybe there's a reason for that."
As I was working today, and thinking about how to tell Chris about my new commitment, I returned to Marguerite's words, "I get to." I get to...there are plenty of other people who could do this job, probably better, but I get to. I get to be a part of a school and community I love; and I get to serve all three children at the same time. But it goes so much deeper than that. Chris and I are fortunate enough that we are on the same page about education. I get to have all three at the same school. (Chris gets to pay the tuition.) With all three at the same school, my load of driving is drastically reduced; I get to have a job that while demanding is also somewhat flexible. I get to have friends that support me, encourage me (read laugh at me), and believe in me. I get to have a sister who says I am a dumba** for agreeing to this but will listen to me for the next three years; love me, laugh at me, and be my friend. I get to have children who most of the time like having me around, and I get to have their friends who also like/love me in different ways. And most importantly I get to have a husband who thinks I'm neurotic, compulsive and insane, but I also get to have a husband who knows how much it means to me to be involved in our children's lives I get to have a husband who occasionally complains but mostly it's because he's worried about me and my stress; I get to have a husband who loves me and my craziness unconditionally. And I get to have a husband who will roll his eyes, walk out of the room and then come back in and say (hopefully, please dear God hopefully), "You're nuts! But okay."
And now I get to go tell him....I'm blaming my bonus Mama Marguerite!
1 comment:
Oh Madre Doyle - I really loved your bonus mama's way of thinking - I needed that!
As to the "I get to do it" way of thinking regarding PA Presidency-elect, leading to being in the position I'm about to vacate (!) I FULLY understand your thought process here...I feel the same way. I have been privileged to be able to be home for roughly 13 years to help raise our children, be involved with their school activities so I'm happy to be the one to step into some of these positions that seem to take a lot of time. But they don't "take" time away - they actually add time - time spent on campus meeting and making new friends, time spent meeting teachers and staff, time spent well in my goofy methond of accounting! Go for it - you'll be rewarded!
Post a Comment