Why 8th Grade Trips?

See the smiles on their faces?  They love to dress alike!

When you are the mother of four, these are some of the questions you get asked.  "When did you take them out of cribs?"  Answer:  "When I was bringing another home."  "When did you stop nursing?"  Answer:  "When I found out I was pregnant again."  "When did you let them drink out of regular cups instead of sippy cups?"  Answer:  "When we were on a beach trip with another family and their son asks why my 6 year old daughter is still drinking out of a sippy cup--she never questioned.  It was just what we did--everyone had their own color sippy cup and we used them."  Having four children in 4 1/2 years brings its challenges; it brings its joys; it brings its blessings; and let's be truthful--it brings people's stares.

Who's to say even at the grandparents they couldn't be snatched?

We moved/move as a unit-we are the O'Doyles.  Sometimes we differentiate a little bit--sometimes we're "the parents," "the big kids," and "the babies."  When the children were small once a week we had "cook with Mommy night" and each child took their turn planning the menu and helping me cook.  It was a chance to have some 1:1 time with each one while the others played/wrestled/wreacked havoc in the other room. But mainly we were a unit--everyone to swimming, check; everyone to children's chapel and church, check, everyone to nap time, check, everyone to bed at 7:30, check.  That was until SK was in 4th grade and she questioned why she had to go to bed at the same time--so we let her read in her room until 8--seriously we're not unreasonable.  Although they now think it was slightly creepy, I even dressed them alike.  Now to be fair to me there was a reason--I figured if one of them got lost or snatched I didn't have to remember what they were wearing when I was trying to describe them to the police.  I just could hold up the other and say, "this is what he/she was wearing."  (I said I had a reason; I didn't say it wasn't slightly neurotic.  And besides, they were so darn cute in those matching outfits!)

Smocked storks

 And so began the 8th grade trips--a time to celebrate their individuality, their own personalities and interests.  It's also the year before ninth grade which if you have yet to experience it, buckle your seat belt.  That's the year we refer to as the soul-less lost year. The year they and all their peers are trying to figure out who they are, how they fit in, and while as parents there were moments when they still thought we knew something, when they still thought we were worth talking to, it was a year of emotional outbursts, slammed doors, and lots of "you don't understands."  (Save me dear Lord, we've got one more to go through!) But the year before--the year they were still pleasant, each child chose where he/she wanted to go and they went with the same gender parent on the eighth grade trip. 

This was a time when they got to have our sole attention.  When they got to set the agenda, choose the restaurants, the activities and the conversation.  SK chose Paris (thank goodness we lived in England) and together we raced around the Louvre in no particular order seeing the pictures she wanted to see.  We climbed to the top of the Eiffel Tower at night and ate pastries for dinner.  Christopher and Chris went to Portland Oregon for the basketball tournament.  They watched U of L as well as every other game played that weekend.   They stood in an outrageously long line at the doughnut shop and rode bikes through the streets.  William chose Harry Potter world--it poured down rain, but he didn't care.  They rode the  same rides over and over, drank butterbeer and did it all again the next day. And Caroline chose the Cloister where we rode horses on the beach, drank mocktails, giggled over cute boys,
and sat in the jacuzzi until late into the night laughing and sharing stories.





Was it worth it?  Without a doubt.  The ninth grade year doesn't last forever (thanks be to God) and parental wisdom grows exponentially with each passing year of high school.  I think these trips helped.  I believe those trips set a foundation; they said, "You, you as ___________, not just you as one of  the O'Doyle's matters to me.  You matter and you're important.  I want to be a part of your life; I love you and I will support you through the good times and the bad."  I believe in part because of those trips we are the first people called when there is a fight with a best friend or a boyfriend.  We are the ones called when there is a grade to celebrate or to mourn, when someone has been drinking and is terrified, when they just need to hear our voice because we've been working or traveling too much. We are the ones called and told, "I've been in an accident.  It's bad and it was my fault." And we show up to hold him/her in our arms just thankful they're alive and able to tell us it was their fault. (Okay maybe we're not the first always called, but I like to delude myself that I am; I do, however, suspect we're definitely in the top five.)  I believe it's because of those trips, sometimes when our light goes off at night the door creeps open and someone climbs into bed because they just want to talk. And I use my imaginary toothpicks to hold my eyes open because I know these times will end, and they matter.

Why 8th grade trips?  Because they don't stay young forever, because they need to know that they are part of our family--a family that sticks together, that loves and laughs and plays and fights and forgives, but they are also individuals.  They are individuals we want to know; individuals we cherish; individuals we value and individuals we love.

The 8th grade trips are not a cure all--we still have slammed doors, rolled eyes, harsh words, but the 8th grade trips help to set a foundation that we are more than those incidents.  We are the O'Doyles.