God shows up

Flowers given in honor of my ministry three weeks before I resigned

When the children were small I had so much more control--I liked (like) control.  They were friends with who we wanted them to be friends with (read with those children whose parents we were friends with).  They went to church when and where we said.  They went to bed when we said (most nights). We decided where they would go to school, and we were in the schools constantly volunteering so we would know what was going on.  As they've grown as hard as I try not to, I have had to release more and more control.  I have had to trust them to choose good friends and make good decisions (as you know from a recent blog that doesn't always work, but we learn and love through it).  I have had to admit that sometimes I can't fix things for them--I have had to realize that sometimes life will be hard for them, they will be hurt, and while I would rather have my whole body repeatedly pummeled than know they are hurting, I can do nothing but love them through it.  And I have had to trust that the foundation Chris and I laid in their lives would be enough to get them through.  The foundation of love--the foundation of friends, family and faith.  Choose them all well.

This past week was one of those weeks, one of those weeks where there were more tears than smiles, more pain than joy but also a week where over and over that foundation of friends and family and faith supported us, held us--that foundation proved that it could not be shaken.  Over and over the three pillars worked together to get us through.  Over and over through our friends and family God showed up.

• God showed up in notes, calls and emails from friends all over the world knowing I needed support as I left a congregation I love
• God showed up in clergy friends, in Forma friends, in church friends, in friends who never go to church, in new friends and in life long friends--God showed up in all of them because God doesn't categorize
• God showed up in a therapist willing to make a house call because I had car trouble
• God showed up in a friend willing to walk whenever it worked for me (and then paid my child to watch hers because it fit my schedule)
• God showed up in people who showed up for my last Sunday--people I didn't think I'd ever see there again
• God showed up in the Eucharist and God showed up in the hands that pressed mine as I served 
• God showed up in children's cards and paintings
• God showed up in hugs and tears

But God didn't just show up for me this week--God showed up for our family.

• God showed up in a history teacher
• God showed up in an administrator who stayed well past work hours to make a difference
• God showed up in hugs and in people who knew I wasn't yet ready for a hug
• God showed up in friends that show up and say, "Just come back to school; we can do this together.  We'll all stay in study hall instead of study out.  Just come back."
• God showed up in a girlfriend (or whatever they call it these days) who drove Shawn and the babies home from school everyday so I could finish my work (okay she may have had another motive as well, but she also greeted me each day with a hug, so that counts!)
• God showed up in bean soup and football for the men as I left for Virginia
• God showed up in calls and texts from college friends
• God showed up in a friend who hearing SK in tears on the phone jumped in her car and drove 6 hours to get there
• God showed up in my sister who said, "I can get there faster than you.  I'll go."  



God showed up

• God showed up over and over and over

This morning as I ran I thought about how little control I have now; I thought about how I miss the days when I could take away the children's pain with a band-aid or a hug or an ice cream cone, and I started wondering what I could have done differently that would have helped them have less pain.  I suppose there's a lot I did wrong as the children were growing up--a lot Chris and I both messed up--I'm sure they'll be happy to give you a list (no worries I have a great therapist for them!), but for a change I'm going to think about what we did right.  We built a foundation--we built a foundation based on the importance of choosing and being a good and loyal friend, the importance of family, and of faith. And through all that, God shows up.