Lent and National Eating Disorder Awareness Week---BOOM!

In two days it will be Ash Wednesday; yep Lent is upon us. For

how many years have I tried to keep a "Holy Lent"? There have been so many years I've said I'm going to give up snacking between meals or alcohol or cussing--and I can honestly say I have never made it all 40 days (unless of course you count the Lents I was pregnant...) Last year I decided to follow my good friend's plan and get rid of 40 bags of "stuff" in 40 days. I did succeed--yay me!! It's a good practice, and I'll probably do it again, but if I really think about the meaning of Lent it's low on my totem pole.

Lent--as defined in numerous places is "a time of repentance, fasting and preparation for the coming of Easter. It is a time of self-examination and reflection." But what does that mean? When am I going to learn to leave well enough alone?!?!?!

I started reading and studying and praying and talking and writing...repentance is not just saying you're sorry and moving on with life. Theologically repentance is about turning back, changing--recognizing where you are on the wrong path and fixing it. Often when we are on the "wrong path" we know it because it disrupts our relationships with ourselves, God and others. And remember God says the greatest commandment is you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind and the second is you shall love your neighbor as yourself Matthew 22:36-40. So Lent isn't just about giving up something for 40 days or taking on a practice for 40 days and then being finished. Lent is about giving up what gets in the way or adding something that assists relationship. In theory it seems pretty clear to me...

Now for that dang blasted self examination and reflection...what I ask myself is keeping me from right relationship with myself, God and others? I asked myself that question last week on retreat; I figured it would eventually come to me. LIKE A TON OF BRICKS!!!!

I was preparing my Ash Wednesday sermon and thinking about why we put ashes on our foreheads. Many people believe it's to proclaim our sinfulness and the fleeting bodily lives we live. There is some truth in that--there are quite a few places in the Bible that use ashes to signify grief and mourning, and not being in right relationship does bring about grief and mourning although sometimes it is buried quite deep. But the sign of the cross--that is a sign of belonging to Christ. I've started thinking about it in some ways as a sign that I belong to Christ even in my darkest places; the places I most want to keep hidden but most likely the places that most get in the way of relationships.

And then this whole body thing....we worship an incarnational God--a God who came to us IN THE FLESH! If that doesn't proclaim the goodness and holiness of the body I don't know what does. God looked upon Jesus and God looks upon us and says, "You are my beloved with whom I am well pleased." All of you, heart, mind, soul and body---bricks are now falling on my head and burying me...

I have a really hard time accepting that body thing. I tried to rationalize with myself, "So what I'll do is give up unhealthy snacks, cut back on drinking and exercise regularly. This dreary winter has kept me from doing that." Then I got a stupid email reminding me it's National Eating Disorder Week, and I read a stupid article about people who don't participate in it (The Stupid Article (it's really not...), and then I remembered the stupid blog post I wrote two years ago (Stupid Blog Post).  I thought about how I wrote about relationships are affected and I was particularly haunted by the words that never leave my mind, "When I look in a mirror if I can't see my head I think to myself, "That body (yes I don't use the first person) looks pretty good." but the minute I see my face attached to the body I switch to the first person and see not the decent looking athletic body of a middle aged woman, but every single one of my flaws."

I want to have a healthy body, so yes during Lent I will try to eat better, drink less and exercise more, but I want to not just have a healthy body but I want a healthy mind and so I know what I must do. Every morning I will  stand in front of a mirror--a mirror that shows all of my body from my head to my toes and repeat the words, "This is your body beloved by God, and with you God is well pleased."

This may be my hardest Lent ever....