A Marriage on Purpose

How do you explain a marriage that ends with no "obvious" reason? No affairs, abuse, financial woes--nothing that seems to be major. How do you explain that a marriage is just no more? How does that happen?

Here are a few thoughts that may be far off the mark but I have to try to make sense of it somehow. A marriage has to be lived on purpose. Everyday we have to wake up and say "I will be married today and I will be married in all the ways that means." I will put my spouse first, I will share my day with my spouse, I will respect and honor them.

It seems that some marriages start as a couple and then they have children so they become a family. Families are wonderful, but I wonder if we should rethink it and define families as a couple with children--just so we don't forget they were a couple first. As I am in the midst of the family time, I see how things could happen. Life propels us forward and we live the day instead of taking charge of the day and living our lives. In the middle of the baby and toddler years, days seemed to drag on (looking back they flew, but the hours in the day crept). Now as we are moving into teen and preteen, I can't even pretend the days aren't flying. It seems like we were just trying to decide whether the children could go to a movie alone and then we're faced with deciding on high school football games, mixers, and haunted houses. We can barely keep up with all the changes and all the places we need to be; meetings we need to attend, ball games, recitals, and on and on. There are many days when my calendar controls me instead of the other way around, then at the end of the day I don't have the energy to even ask about anyone else's day. There were no fights, no disagreements, check it off as a good day and off to bed. But I think that's where we get in trouble. We have to find the energy and make the time. It's like the saying, "don't wake a sleeping baby", but if our marriages are asleep they may never wake up.

Celebrate

This week I was officially made a Postulant in the Diocese of Kentucky Episcopal Church USA. It's been a very long road (and there are still miles to go!). I began thinking seriously about the priesthood in 1997 and then life, children and moving put things way on the back burner--but 3 1/2 years ago things began to speed up. During this time, I have put in a lot of work. I have read multiple books, written essys, done placements, and been in front of 3 panels for interviews. Wednesday Bishop Ted took me to lunch and told me I was now a Postulant and could start seminary. He also said that one year I would have to go away to an Episcopal seminary (closest is 4 hours away). Now it seems, and I have probably taken the lead in this, everyone is focused on the "bad news" that if I am to proceed I may have to be gone for a year mon-thurs. I have received numerous calls asing how I am mentally and emotinally--said in very sad somber voices. But I'm changing that today--I'm going to celebrate where I am and acknowledge how far I have come. I am going to think about the people who helped me get to this point and offer prayers of thanksgiving for them. And I'm going to remember that this time last year I had no idea I would be part of the Diocese of Kentucky, so who knows what the next year will bring! This has been and continues to be a journey and I firmly believe that the journey itself will help to form me into the priest that God wants and needs for me to be. So my word for the day is "Celebrate!"