The truth? We have had many years full of love and laughter and fun; we have also had times of deep heart break and pain. I have been asked through the years, "How did you make sure your children developed such close relationships?" And even though inside I was bursting with pride, I would answer, "I have no idea." And that really is the truth---I have no idea, and the pride part--well you know "pride goeth before a fall." (Proverbs 16:18)
Are my children close? Yes. Is it because of something Chris and I did? Maybe a little, but you know who did a lot (other than the children themselves)? John Prine...let me explain.
The night I met Chris, he introduced me to the music of John Prine. He grew up listening to it, and I loved it immediately. The night I flipped out studying for my GOE's 6 months before we got married, my best friend, instead of siding with my neurosis I might add, named it, and through the years, the music of John Prine and God have played starring roles in the family life of the Chris Doyles--sometimes at the same time. (Hearing God--Sometimes in the Voice of John Prine)
From that July evening when I put the GOE's on hold, to our wedding (where we wanted to dance to Inspite of Ourselves" as our song, but I knew good and well my mother would NEVER allow that...but it's still our official song), to potty training Boss with Lost Dogs and Mixed Blessings, to sermons I have preached using lyrics from many songs particularly lyrics from "Tree of Forgiveness," but seriously that man's music will preach, to SK's tattoo of lyrics from "Spanish Pipedream" in her Daddy's handwriting this summer (confession--two weeks later we gave her a tv), to tonight, John Prine's music has lived in our lives--the good, the bad, and the ugly.
The last few years have been really hard with lots of heartache and heartbreak. They're different you know. Heartache comes from the natural process of life--growing up and leaving home, finding new loves, moving on with young adult lives that are busy--read, no longer texting or calling your mother every day. That heartache is surrounded by a cushion of love and pride--knowing this is the way it should be and being thankful even when it's hard.
Heartbreak, however, comes when people make choices and respond to choices in different ways. Heartbreak comes when relationships begin to fracture and try as I might, this Mama has to learn to let go--to let young adult children figure out their own way with me and with each other, and realizing it might not end like a Hallmark movie.
Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between heartache and heartbreak, but these past few years have given me lots of practice...
Tonight I am heading to Red Rocks Amphitheatre to hear the man, the myth, the legend. To say the rest of the family is jealous, doesn't even touch it--not only do I get to go to Red Rocks (for the second night in a row let me add) something that is on many's bucket list, but I get to hear John Prine live with the Colorado Symphony. But here's what I love about this family--despite the fact they all want to be here, they are also so happy I get to--every one of them.
Here's something else--the only family text that all have responded to in the last 6 months has been about this concert---has been about the music of John Prine.
I don't know what the future is for all of our relationships (Thanksgiving may tell us that); I don't know how fractured relationships will mend and change, or not, but I know that tonight I will stand and sing the words to every song; I will take pictures and videos; and I will be carrying five other hearts in mine. I will be carrying their hearts and a whole lot of hope.
When he sings "Summer's End" I will cry--I know I will, and I will send it to all four children reminding them they can always "come on home" when they need to.
Thank you Christy Beesley for making this happen--you have no idea what it means to me.
