I first started thinking about people whose answer is, "No I'm not ready for Christmas or any other holiday. I'm not ready for the holidays to come when my loved one is no longer here."
That led to the next thought--thinking about friends who buried their child this summer after the young adult child had struggled for years with mental health and addiction. The family chose to have a very small, mainly family-only, service. And they were criticized for it. (For the record, families who have family members struggling with mental health and addiction are quite used to being criticized, so we're like ducks shaking water off our backs--criticize away if it makes you feel better.)
Anyway, one of the parents said to me, "No one wanted to show up or acknowledge him during the years of struggle. I don't need them to show up now. For years we were left out of gatherings, and now people want to gather with us. No thank you. We struggled alone and now we'll grieve alone." It broke my heart, and I understood it.
As I started making cookie dough (back to the trying to be ready) I thought about the difference between having a family member in the hospital with cancer or some other illness and having a family member in a residential treatment program for mental health or addiction or both. With the former, meal trains are put into place, flowers are sent, notes are written, offers of child care are extended, and people are happy to run errands for you. With the latter, often its crickets. And it's lonely. (But I get it, no one wants to hang out with crickets.)
Here's the thing. When you have a family member in treatment, families have the same struggles as those who have a family member in a "regular" hospital. Meals still have to be made or bought and eaten. People still have to go to work. Children still need to go to school and other activities. People still have to choose between showing up for visiting hours and making sure the rest of the family can get where they need to go and be supported how they need to be supported.
I've had this discussion with lots of people. People who are or have lived with this struggle and people who haven't but want to understand. The most common thing I hear is, "I just don't know what to say." Here's the truth, we don't know what to say. So maybe that is it just say, "I don't know what to say, but I want you to know I'm here. How can I help?" Or say nothing, but show up. Show up with a meal, a cup of coffee, or just a quick hug.
All that is to say, I'm thinking about the question "Are you ready for Christmas?" in a different way. Being ready for Christmas isn't about the tree trimmed, the cookies baked, or the gifts bought and wrapped, being ready for Christmas is being ready to follow Jesus. Being ready for Christmas is being ready to step out of our comfort zones. Being ready for Christmas is being ready to show up--often in places and with people where no one else shows up. Being ready for Christmas is about being ready to extend love and grace and mercy to everyone because it is that love that transforms the world. It is that love that heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. It is the love that came down at Christmas all those years ago. It is the love of God for everyone no exceptions.
Are you ready for Christmas?
