16 June, 2009
Gone
I'm very sad. The old chipped coffee cup from 2000 is gone. One got lost in the move and the other fell off my desk this morning (I was trying to save the computer from falling off.) Silly I know, but I cried. It was my friend and part of my life; it held many memoriesand many needed cups of coffee. Feels like a door to the past is shut--wonder what the future will bring? I know I'm going to need a new coffee cup to travel that road with me.
14 June, 2009
Swirling Thoughts
Three ideas swirled through my head on my run today. Following rules, an interview I was listening to, and narrative therapy-
I'm a rule follower--most rules are not made arbitrarily and even if I don't know why they exist, I assume there's a good reason. I've seen the mess that can happen when exceptions are made, and I get very annoyed with people who believe they are always an exception. So I follow rules.
The podcast I was listening to was BBC All Things Considered with an interview with Tony Campolo. He said (and I'm paraphrasing) Jesus doesn't ask us to take on all the problems of the world ourselves. He asks us to do what we can right here and right now. Got me thinking--I'm think a lot about what my ministry will be when I'm through seminary. How can I make the biggest difference? What are my gifts? All questions that are important certainly. But in thinking about the "big picture", I wonder how many snap shots I'm missing right now. Today what would God have me do? Sit with my child who is hurting from teenage drama and just be there regardless of the big project that needs to be finished? I think that's what Jesus would do. (Aside thought that just entered my head--Jesus would take a B over an A if it meant he could be present for someone.)
And narrative therapy. I'm learning about this right now and wondering how it works in practice. Yes we all come from our own social construct, but aren't there some universal? Isn't there some rules to issues of respect and discipline? Does listening to someone's story change the universal rules? Isn't there a right and wrong in some things?
How do these fit together? When we're so busy following rules without listening to people's stories, we can't be Jesus in the present. Sometimes rules were meant to be bent and possibly even broken; not randomly but because of stories. A different perspective.
I'm a rule follower--most rules are not made arbitrarily and even if I don't know why they exist, I assume there's a good reason. I've seen the mess that can happen when exceptions are made, and I get very annoyed with people who believe they are always an exception. So I follow rules.
The podcast I was listening to was BBC All Things Considered with an interview with Tony Campolo. He said (and I'm paraphrasing) Jesus doesn't ask us to take on all the problems of the world ourselves. He asks us to do what we can right here and right now. Got me thinking--I'm think a lot about what my ministry will be when I'm through seminary. How can I make the biggest difference? What are my gifts? All questions that are important certainly. But in thinking about the "big picture", I wonder how many snap shots I'm missing right now. Today what would God have me do? Sit with my child who is hurting from teenage drama and just be there regardless of the big project that needs to be finished? I think that's what Jesus would do. (Aside thought that just entered my head--Jesus would take a B over an A if it meant he could be present for someone.)
And narrative therapy. I'm learning about this right now and wondering how it works in practice. Yes we all come from our own social construct, but aren't there some universal? Isn't there some rules to issues of respect and discipline? Does listening to someone's story change the universal rules? Isn't there a right and wrong in some things?
How do these fit together? When we're so busy following rules without listening to people's stories, we can't be Jesus in the present. Sometimes rules were meant to be bent and possibly even broken; not randomly but because of stories. A different perspective.
18 May, 2009
Technology--Love it/Hate it
I do love technology. I love the way it helps me stay connected to friends that are far away. I love the way I can reconnect with people. I love being able to handle so many things online that took hours before, but when it comes to my children--well, the jury is still out.
I do like that they can keep up with old friends. It helps assuage the guilt of all the moves. But I don't like the way it makes them grow up so fast. At the risk of sounding very old and crtochety. When I was 13, we had two phones in the house--1 in the kitchen and 1 in my parent's bedroom. Private conversations were hard to have. I realize now that's not such a bad thing. It helped us to have conversations that were beyond our years. Facebook, instant message, texting and email--conversations and discussions occur that although the children want to think they are capable of handling, they're not. They're fingers can type beyond their emotional maturity. That added to the fact that it's instantaneous is a recipe for disaster.
If I wanted to write a mean note, I wrote it and then had to find the person and give it to him/her. Took time and hopefully gave me time to realize what a bad idea it was. With technology today, emotions run high, words are typed out and sent immediately without that buffer of "perhaps I shouldn't send it" time. There's something to be said for that time. There's something to be said for parents hearing and seeing things. We can use them as opportunities for discussion and growth. Technology is forcing our children to grow up too fast.
That being said, it's here to stay. Makes parenting more timeconsuming--checking messages etc. and it's a balance between staying informed by checking things and giving the children some privacy. It's a tightrope that I'm working out slowly in my mind. I'm not there yet and even once I get there, chances are there will be a detour or a continued journey. But,it's not a road I'll leave, I love my children too much.
I do like that they can keep up with old friends. It helps assuage the guilt of all the moves. But I don't like the way it makes them grow up so fast. At the risk of sounding very old and crtochety. When I was 13, we had two phones in the house--1 in the kitchen and 1 in my parent's bedroom. Private conversations were hard to have. I realize now that's not such a bad thing. It helped us to have conversations that were beyond our years. Facebook, instant message, texting and email--conversations and discussions occur that although the children want to think they are capable of handling, they're not. They're fingers can type beyond their emotional maturity. That added to the fact that it's instantaneous is a recipe for disaster.
If I wanted to write a mean note, I wrote it and then had to find the person and give it to him/her. Took time and hopefully gave me time to realize what a bad idea it was. With technology today, emotions run high, words are typed out and sent immediately without that buffer of "perhaps I shouldn't send it" time. There's something to be said for that time. There's something to be said for parents hearing and seeing things. We can use them as opportunities for discussion and growth. Technology is forcing our children to grow up too fast.
That being said, it's here to stay. Makes parenting more timeconsuming--checking messages etc. and it's a balance between staying informed by checking things and giving the children some privacy. It's a tightrope that I'm working out slowly in my mind. I'm not there yet and even once I get there, chances are there will be a detour or a continued journey. But,it's not a road I'll leave, I love my children too much.
24 March, 2009
Gospel today
My previous post was thought about while running. I ran and then went to Morning Prayer. Part of the Gospel reading really spoke to me.
John 6:26-27
Very truly, I tell you, you are looking for me, not because you saw signs, but because you ate your fill of the loaves. Do not work for the food that perishes, but for the food that endures for eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you."
Am I only looking for God when I've got my fill of all my "activities"? Do I "fit" Him into my schedule? Is part of finding God, finding me? I think the answer to the last question is yes. I fully believe we see God in each other. I think the more authentic we are to each other and to ourselves, the more easily God is seen, so yes finding myself, my purpose, and taking care of myself enables both me and others to see God through me.
Food that perishes versus food for eternal life. Funny that I was crying over pancakes and cereal this morning--which is more important what I serve or that I serve it with love?
I'm not going to pretend that now I'm there--I can release everything and be fine, but I will say that I'm aware--I'm in process; not entirely sure what the "right" answer is; I am sure I'll continue to worry about it, but I hope that will lessen. And I am sure that when I stop being caught up in myself and my worries that I will more easily see and hear. I'm listening for God and He's speaking to me. He's speaking to me through my prayerful run, the Gospel, friends and Chris and I'm listening.
John 6:26-27
Very truly, I tell you, you are looking for me, not because you saw signs, but because you ate your fill of the loaves. Do not work for the food that perishes, but for the food that endures for eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you."
Am I only looking for God when I've got my fill of all my "activities"? Do I "fit" Him into my schedule? Is part of finding God, finding me? I think the answer to the last question is yes. I fully believe we see God in each other. I think the more authentic we are to each other and to ourselves, the more easily God is seen, so yes finding myself, my purpose, and taking care of myself enables both me and others to see God through me.
Food that perishes versus food for eternal life. Funny that I was crying over pancakes and cereal this morning--which is more important what I serve or that I serve it with love?
I'm not going to pretend that now I'm there--I can release everything and be fine, but I will say that I'm aware--I'm in process; not entirely sure what the "right" answer is; I am sure I'll continue to worry about it, but I hope that will lessen. And I am sure that when I stop being caught up in myself and my worries that I will more easily see and hear. I'm listening for God and He's speaking to me. He's speaking to me through my prayerful run, the Gospel, friends and Chris and I'm listening.
Which?
Full of questions this morning and no answers. Would the children rather..
1. have a bowl of cold cereal for breakfast and a mother in seminary and later working full time
2. have a hot breakfast cooked by a mother in tears and stressed out
3. have a hot breakfast and a full time stay at home mother
Who am I really doing this all for
seminary?
making hot breakfasts (and home made treats)?
Who does it matter to? What's really important?
1. have a bowl of cold cereal for breakfast and a mother in seminary and later working full time
2. have a hot breakfast cooked by a mother in tears and stressed out
3. have a hot breakfast and a full time stay at home mother
Who am I really doing this all for
seminary?
making hot breakfasts (and home made treats)?
Who does it matter to? What's really important?
18 March, 2009
Chips and all
I have a favorite coffee cup (actually there are two but they look exactly alike). I bought these cups in Athens GA in 2000 and have moved them all over the country and they were part of the very small amount of kitchen items I moved to England and back. I love them--bought at Steinmart but they are BIG; hold a lot and have cheery blue and yellow flowers on them. I remember buying them. I had four children four and under, I was exhausted. I saw the cups and thought "not only can I have a lot of coffee without having to refill, but they're also so cheery. It will be a wonderful way to get up in the morning."
You can imagine after all these moves what they look like--quite chipped both paint and some around the lip. In fact one has been glued back together, but thanks goodness for super glue--still holds coffee--still works.
This morning as I'm drinking my coffee and looking at this mug it started me thinking. I love this mug; I wake up every morning eager to drink my coffee from it, but it's chipped, not nearly as pretty, and frankly wasn't expensive. I could very well choose to just replace it. BUT I have a history with this mug. I can sit here and think about many mornings good and bad drinking from this mug. It's part of my history, part of my life. Not only do I not want to replace it, I don't want to fix it--it tells a stor, my story.
Aren't we as people like that? We start relationships, bright and cheery with no "chips", but over time, the relationship starts to have chips and to fade some (think faded blue jeans--aren't they the most comfortable to wear?). We begin to see each others chips and the areas in our lives where we're not so bright and cheery. The parts of each other that aren't so beautiful. But that's true love, that's lasting love--still wanting to be a part of each others day, each others lives and still loving each other deeply chips and all. Still excited to be with each other. Sometimes we need to help each other--glue parts back together so we still "work", but sometimes we just need to continue to meet each day, chips exposed--sometimes we don't need to be fixed, we just need to continue to be loved chips and all.
You can imagine after all these moves what they look like--quite chipped both paint and some around the lip. In fact one has been glued back together, but thanks goodness for super glue--still holds coffee--still works.
This morning as I'm drinking my coffee and looking at this mug it started me thinking. I love this mug; I wake up every morning eager to drink my coffee from it, but it's chipped, not nearly as pretty, and frankly wasn't expensive. I could very well choose to just replace it. BUT I have a history with this mug. I can sit here and think about many mornings good and bad drinking from this mug. It's part of my history, part of my life. Not only do I not want to replace it, I don't want to fix it--it tells a stor, my story.
Aren't we as people like that? We start relationships, bright and cheery with no "chips", but over time, the relationship starts to have chips and to fade some (think faded blue jeans--aren't they the most comfortable to wear?). We begin to see each others chips and the areas in our lives where we're not so bright and cheery. The parts of each other that aren't so beautiful. But that's true love, that's lasting love--still wanting to be a part of each others day, each others lives and still loving each other deeply chips and all. Still excited to be with each other. Sometimes we need to help each other--glue parts back together so we still "work", but sometimes we just need to continue to meet each day, chips exposed--sometimes we don't need to be fixed, we just need to continue to be loved chips and all.
07 March, 2009
Comment on Myself
It occurs to me reading back over my posts that I often seem very negative and even depressed. Please know this is not the case--I think deeply and yes there are times I'm down, but for the most part I just want to work out thoughts that go through my mind; I leave them here and skip merrily back to my life of wife, mother, and seminarian!
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