Living out a theology

It's hard to live out a faith in our daily lives, but sometimes an opportunity comes that's so obvious and yet so easily missed.

Chris coaches the elementary basketball team, and Caroline and William both play. We have several players that wouldn't be able to play if Chris didn't get them to and from practice and games. Most game days we have them just ride the bus home with our children.

Last week we had a game on Thursday. I was in the middle of an intense course; I knew there would be lots of homework; and everyone was tired. That morning I put together a spaghetti casserole in the crock pot and headed off to the grocery store for paper plates, garlic bread and gatorade. I was just going to serve it quickly and get through the night. Weaving through the aisles I realized that this was an opportunity to live out the Eucharistic theology I love so much. So, I passed up the cheap paper plates, color coordinated cups, napkins, and plates and went home.

Every Sunday I set the table for Eucharist at three services. I love doing this; it is a very special, humbling and sacred time for me. At home, I decided to set the dining room table for these children with as much reverence as I do each Sunday. I wanted to serve these children with as much care as I would anyone else that came to our home. I set the table with a color coordinating pattern, set candles out and got ready for the children.

The children all gathered around the table; I lit the candles; we held hands and said the blessing. Each child brought something to the table--we had humor, compassion, sensitivity, seriousness, fun, and a lot of love. As I looked around, I thought this is the same thing as the communion table--a place where we all are equal, where we all are worthy, where we all are children of God in our similarities and in our difference. I hope they felt it too.

A Journey Home

Living in different places can bring energy, excitement, and experience to one's life. With each new place comes new friends, new customs, new ideas; it builds on a person layer by layer. As each layer is added, it seems as if the base will be forgotten. Perhaps the base isn't recognized by new friends, but it's there.

You know it's there because it's the layer closest to your heart. It's the place that feeds you and makes you whole. It's the place you KNOW defines you--it's who you are. It's the blood coarsing through your veins that makes your heart beat; it's not just where you're from, it's a part of you. A part of you that can't be washed off or unlearned. Time and distant can bury it deeper and deeper, but it's always there simmering and waiting to erupt.

Heading back, with every mile, I feel the layers being shed. The weight begins to lift; a weight that came on so gradually I didn't recognize it until it began to slide off. An energy begins to flow through my veins, a lighter heart, a peaceful soul. It's amazing that the gradual unnoticed buildup oozes off so quickly. Crossing the state line, without having realized I've been holding my breath all these months away, I can finally exhale. I'm home.

Lessons from a child

Several weeks ago, Caroline and her friends got a hankering to collect money for charity. They chose three recipients--one girl's daddy was running in a race for breast cancer, a seminary staff member's house had burned and there was a collection being taken, and good will. They constructed boxes to be placed in all the apartment stair wells complete with signs explaining what they were doing and who would receive the money. They asked everyone they saw. Most people threw in coins--you'd be amazed at how it added up.

Each girl became responsible for delivering the money to the appropriate place. Caroline got good will. Fast forward three weeks----

Caroline asked me to take her to Good Will to deliver the money. Good will is not on my beaten path, so I've been putting her off. The other day we were driving and I suggested to Caroline that instead of giving the money to good will, perhaps we could donate it to the Karen refugees a ministry through our church. I thought this was a brilliant idea as Caroline has given some of her clothes and toys already. Plus she's met some of these children when they attended Bible School. I convinced myself I was trying to help her make a connection but honestly, it would also be easier for me.

Caroline said, "That's a great idea Mommy, and I know they could use it. I'll have to start another charity drive because when I collected this money I told the people it would be going to Good Will and it wouldn't be right to change that without their knowing."

Gone

I'm very sad. The old chipped coffee cup from 2000 is gone. One got lost in the move and the other fell off my desk this morning (I was trying to save the computer from falling off.) Silly I know, but I cried. It was my friend and part of my life; it held many memoriesand many needed cups of coffee. Feels like a door to the past is shut--wonder what the future will bring? I know I'm going to need a new coffee cup to travel that road with me.

Swirling Thoughts

Three ideas swirled through my head on my run today. Following rules, an interview I was listening to, and narrative therapy-

I'm a rule follower--most rules are not made arbitrarily and even if I don't know why they exist, I assume there's a good reason. I've seen the mess that can happen when exceptions are made, and I get very annoyed with people who believe they are always an exception. So I follow rules.

The podcast I was listening to was BBC All Things Considered with an interview with Tony Campolo. He said (and I'm paraphrasing) Jesus doesn't ask us to take on all the problems of the world ourselves. He asks us to do what we can right here and right now. Got me thinking--I'm think a lot about what my ministry will be when I'm through seminary. How can I make the biggest difference? What are my gifts? All questions that are important certainly. But in thinking about the "big picture", I wonder how many snap shots I'm missing right now. Today what would God have me do? Sit with my child who is hurting from teenage drama and just be there regardless of the big project that needs to be finished? I think that's what Jesus would do. (Aside thought that just entered my head--Jesus would take a B over an A if it meant he could be present for someone.)

And narrative therapy. I'm learning about this right now and wondering how it works in practice. Yes we all come from our own social construct, but aren't there some universal? Isn't there some rules to issues of respect and discipline? Does listening to someone's story change the universal rules? Isn't there a right and wrong in some things?

How do these fit together? When we're so busy following rules without listening to people's stories, we can't be Jesus in the present. Sometimes rules were meant to be bent and possibly even broken; not randomly but because of stories. A different perspective.

Technology--Love it/Hate it

I do love technology. I love the way it helps me stay connected to friends that are far away. I love the way I can reconnect with people. I love being able to handle so many things online that took hours before, but when it comes to my children--well, the jury is still out.

I do like that they can keep up with old friends. It helps assuage the guilt of all the moves. But I don't like the way it makes them grow up so fast. At the risk of sounding very old and crtochety. When I was 13, we had two phones in the house--1 in the kitchen and 1 in my parent's bedroom. Private conversations were hard to have. I realize now that's not such a bad thing. It helped us to have conversations that were beyond our years. Facebook, instant message, texting and email--conversations and discussions occur that although the children want to think they are capable of handling, they're not. They're fingers can type beyond their emotional maturity. That added to the fact that it's instantaneous is a recipe for disaster.

If I wanted to write a mean note, I wrote it and then had to find the person and give it to him/her. Took time and hopefully gave me time to realize what a bad idea it was. With technology today, emotions run high, words are typed out and sent immediately without that buffer of "perhaps I shouldn't send it" time. There's something to be said for that time. There's something to be said for parents hearing and seeing things. We can use them as opportunities for discussion and growth. Technology is forcing our children to grow up too fast.

That being said, it's here to stay. Makes parenting more timeconsuming--checking messages etc. and it's a balance between staying informed by checking things and giving the children some privacy. It's a tightrope that I'm working out slowly in my mind. I'm not there yet and even once I get there, chances are there will be a detour or a continued journey. But,it's not a road I'll leave, I love my children too much.

Gospel today

My previous post was thought about while running. I ran and then went to Morning Prayer. Part of the Gospel reading really spoke to me.

John 6:26-27
Very truly, I tell you, you are looking for me, not because you saw signs, but because you ate your fill of the loaves. Do not work for the food that perishes, but for the food that endures for eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you."

Am I only looking for God when I've got my fill of all my "activities"? Do I "fit" Him into my schedule? Is part of finding God, finding me? I think the answer to the last question is yes. I fully believe we see God in each other. I think the more authentic we are to each other and to ourselves, the more easily God is seen, so yes finding myself, my purpose, and taking care of myself enables both me and others to see God through me.

Food that perishes versus food for eternal life. Funny that I was crying over pancakes and cereal this morning--which is more important what I serve or that I serve it with love?

I'm not going to pretend that now I'm there--I can release everything and be fine, but I will say that I'm aware--I'm in process; not entirely sure what the "right" answer is; I am sure I'll continue to worry about it, but I hope that will lessen. And I am sure that when I stop being caught up in myself and my worries that I will more easily see and hear. I'm listening for God and He's speaking to me. He's speaking to me through my prayerful run, the Gospel, friends and Chris and I'm listening.