Caroline started a new school this year. Because of our numerous moves as well as moving schools within Louisville, my children have been the "new kid" 12 times. They are pretty savvy on how it plays out--in their words, "you're interesting for the first few weeks, and then people either decide they don't like you, they forget you're there and settle into the old and familiar, or they identify you with one group. Basically it stinks." So after 12 times, I have also become fairly adept at countering problems. We host a lot of large get togethers--we've learned if you want to be included you have to stick your neck out there. It's not easy. We have also tried to instill in our children that you don't exclude anyone; we'd rather have extra people than feelings hurt. We've tried to instill it in our children, and we even try to live it; we definitely do believe it. Sometimes I worry because it leaves them feeling confused when others don't respond in the same way. They don't always understand what I term "playground politics" and I wonder if it leaves them vulnerable. But we've made a choice, for better or worse.
Thursday Caroline came home from school and told me there were two parties this weekend and she hadn't been invited to either. In a very matter-of-fact way she said she just didn't understand. Her understanding (and I do realize she's 12) is that one of the parties included "everyone at the lunch table except her." I first tried the, "maybe her parents put a limit on the number" angle. (And of course this could be completely accurate.) Caroline, "Why would you do that? You always say if it's going to hurt someone's feelings, what's one more. Remember when you added 3 people to Christopher's party because they found out? It's just not nice." How do you explain to a 12 year old that not everyone operates the same way? Not everyone believes the same thing, and quite possibly they just didn't think about it. So instead, I sprang into fix it mode and told her to invite people over here. Stick your neck out there; don't wallow--that's our motive. Think about who you'd like to be friends with and invite them over; some friendships will stick and some won't, but at least you tried.
So Caroline made a list of girls to invite over, go to the mall and spend the night. Nine seventh grade girls. I must say as the parent I held my breath as texts were sent out. What if no one will come? What if no one responds? But they did, and only one couldn't come because she was sick. When we looked down the list I saw the name of the girl having a party (today actually). I must have had a look on my face because Caroline said, "I like her even if she doesn't like me, and I don't want her to feel like I do about her party. It'll be fine Mama."
And that's how I was reminded that living what you believe, living your faith, means doing it it even when it's counter-cultural; even when it means putting your hurt and pain aside to love and accept the other. Thank you Caroline--
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