"Being a disciple of Jesus will bring you and the church to unexpected places and unexpected grace. It may only be in retrospect and with inspired interpretation that we can look back and recognize the Spirits driving wind rather than simply a frighteningly chaotic storm."
This quote pushed me to write this post. The post has been rolling through my mind for several weeks, and while preparing for this week's sermon I read this quote. So here it is.
Several months ago a good friend said to me that she and her husband often talked about how they hope they have as much fun in their family and that they are as close as our family when they're son and his future siblings are growing up. She asked how we did it, and after my head lost some of it's swelling, I responded, "I guess we just got lucky." I like to talk, but I am terrible at accepting any form of a compliment. And I do think we were blessed with four amazing children, but in retrospect perhaps there is something more--something beyond even Chris and myself.
Probably the single most often asked question about our children is, "Do you like having them this close?" (Four years 10 months from start to finish). The first answer I usually respond with is that "I don't know any other way", and the second on some days is "yes", on other days.... The truth is we didn't plan on them being this close--to be honest we didn't plan at all. That's the way we roll! I recently learned that our children do not like us to publicly say they weren't planned (well three weren't planned, Boss was--an honor he proudly wears). I thought they didn't like it because it made them feel like they weren't wanted, but no it's because they don't want people to know we had marital relations for any reason other than to have them--well guess what? (My cousin Beth swears it's because we sleep in a double bed with no TV in the room--she has a king and a TV, and two children---)
Truth is for those of you who haven't known us forever; we didn't think we could have any children biologically or at least not without a good amount of medical help; so there is the first miracle. Seriously--and we have known this; it hasn't taken retrospect. Every time I announced I was pregnant, after Chris stopped making excel sheets of how many children would be in college at the same time and after he called our insurance agent to increase his life insurance, we remembered it was indeed a blessing and a gift from God. (There have only been a few times when we wondered about the wrath of God and curses..)
Now four kids in under five years was only part of our fun back in those days. Added to that fun was Chris starting his MBA two weeks after Caroline was born--full time unemployed student husband + full-time stay at home mom + four children = not much money. Those days were full of fun, laughter, no sleep, diapers and a bit of stress. Those days of no money forced us to do things in certain ways--if one child had to go to the doctor, we all went; they learned to sit quietly and to be with each other. When we moved to Pittsburgh and began financing the children's hospital, there was no family close by to keep the other children and I didn't want to take advantage of all our friends, so many times one child (usually Caroline) would be in her hospital bed with a sibling on either side and one at the foot of the bed (or controlling the bed as it was raised and lowered--why pay for an amusement park when you can just get admitted to the hospital?) Countless moves required the children to play together--they knew no one else. They fondly remember the six weeks living in the Embassy Suites; I would rather forget that part, a feat that has been helped by the open bar the hotel provided each evening.
We were also blessed to have friends in the same situation or at least with the same age children, and so we did lots as families. Grilling in the cul-de-sac, family trips to Georgia/Florida where the husbands went to the game and the wives hung out on the beach with the children. (That was also the trip when SK learned that not everyone still drank out of a sippy cup at 6--the family that sips together...STOP judging; it was easier--line up the cups (color coded of course), pour the milk, screw on the lids, and NO SPILLS EVER!!!) We took beach trips without nannies; when we could we went out to dinner, as a family--lots of restaurants have kids eat free--but those of you still trying to decide how many children to have, keep in mind it's one child per adult. Basically we did everything as a unit--and it worked. Did it stink having no money? Yes. Were there times we wondered how we were going to get through the month? Yes Were there times we wished we could do something but couldn't because of money? Yes And just to be totally transparent, were there times we spent money we shouldn't have (Mainly I spent money I shouldn't have)? Yes. But these were our choices--we wanted me home full-time with the children, and we wanted Chris in graduate school, and we wanted lots of unexpected blessings, so...
Thirteen years later I get asked, "how did you do it?" The answer is--we did it the only way we knew how, with love, laughter, some tears and a lot of prayer. And we did it the only we could because our of circumstances--
When I read the above quote a few days ago, it hit me. Looking back the times it seemed like chaotic storms blew through our home, through the frighteningly difficult times, the Holy Spirit was there. That's how we did it; love and trust--love and trust in each other and love and trust in the goodness and faithfulness of God. And that's how we'll continue to do it--so far it's working...Thanks be to God.
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