It's Not About Me; It's About the Team

Last night was Christopher's first varsity basketball game--a dream come true.  A dream with a whole lot of blood sweat and tears thrown in.  He has worked so hard to get to this point.  Last year was a frustrating year for him--he didn't make JV, but he started for the 9th grade team.  The coaches told him he had a great shot, good ball handling skills, but his speed and quickness were holding him back.  And so he has spent the last year working tirelessly--hours and hours of work in all types of weather.  Chris kept telling him, "Keep your head down; keep working hard; it will pay off." In October that seemed to be coming true--Boss made the varsity.  He was so proud; we were so proud.  We have been even more proud of how hard he has worked since then.  He hasn't slowed down in trying to get better; he works non-stop and never misses an open gym or a practice.  So last night we were all there for the first varsity game of the season.  We watched him warm up; I could tell how nervous he was but also how much he was enjoying himself.  I don't know how his stomach was feeling, but mine was in knots.

Signs to me of his nervousness--wiped his shoes continually

The game started; he didn't start--not shocking, we just wanted him to get some minutes.  He kept his shooter shirt on for the whole game.  At one point it looked like the coach called him up, but he didn't move--for the WHOLE GAME!  Several people in the stands asked if he was hurt--I so wanted to say yes.  Instead I watched him sit there--cheering his team on, getting water for his teammates and celebrating as they won a nail biter.  Selfishly I was glad we had two cars there--I could leave and let Chris bring him home.  He's better at talking to them  after disappointing games; actually he's probably just better at not talking which although is what I know they need is usually not what I do--I'm always wanting to process.  As I drove the babies home I wondered what I would say to him when he got home.  I wanted to say how proud of him I was--even though he didn't get playing time he was on the bench and it would come.  AND it was true--I was and am proud of him just for being out there.    I am, however, enough of an athlete to know that that might not go over well.  I was upstairs when I heard the door open and Christopher shouting, "Mama, Mama where are you?"  He sounded okay--a little bit happy even--I hesitantly came out of my room and he met me on the stairs.

so happy to be on the team

"Mama, coach called on me to go in early in the game.  But right before the game I remembered that I was ejected from the final game of the season last year, so I told him I couldn't.  KHSA says that's a two game suspension.  Coach says he's going to email and see if it changes things that it was a 9th grade game."  I love this boy--I know that he wanted to tell me this right away because he knew I was worried about what to say to him--thank you Boss!  The athlete in me really came out (or perhaps the Mama Bear--the selfish Mama Bear) and I said, "So you are the one who told?"  "Yes ma'm."  I continued, "So if you hadn't told, you would have been put in the game?"  "Yes ma'm.  But Mama you have to understand.  If I'd gone in and KHSA found out we would forfeit all our wins for the entire season.  It's not about me; it's about the team."  I'd like to say I immediately took great pride in his sacrifice, but there was still a part of me that was thinking, "He's worked so hard!  I really wanted him to be able to play--would they really find out?"

In the same gym where his daddy played

This morning we were talking about the game again and Christopher said, "I hope they let me play in the next game on Thursday, but if not I'll play Saturday.  I can't wait."  As I've reflected on this conversation I am once again stopped in my tracks by the lessons I learn from my children.

I wonder where in my life; where in others lives do we put ourselves above the team, the community, the other?  When am I, when are others blinded by their own dreams, our own belief  and desire to get what we believe we deserve that we sacrifice the team, the community, the other?  It's worth considering--

I don't know if Boss will play Thursday or Saturday, but I do know that this proud Mama will be in the stands with my eyes wide open.

So proud of my boy for more reasons than one