The Colliding World of Facebook

It was late afternoon on the Monday after getting home from a week long cruise when the phone rang.  The week had been an amazing time with my eldest child and daughter; a time of bonding and sharing.  A time I got to be a voyeur into her life--her friends, her hopes and dreams.  It was a time I will treasure forever.  I was still basking in the glow of our mother/daughter relationship when I answered the phone.

It was a friend and mentor, someone who cares deeply about me and I her and someone whose wisdom I value.  I suspect this was not an easy call for her to make; I know it was not an easy call to receive.  She prefaced the entire conversation with, "You can take this or leave it and I will never mention it again, but I really felt like because I love and respect you I had to make this call."  She continued by telling me she was so glad I'd had a good time with SK; she told me she thought I was funny and I made her laugh; and she told me she thought that perhaps I needed to be more discerning when it came to what I posted on facebook.  I sat down; I took a deep breath and while my head was defensively screaming, "I do think about it; trust me I don't post half of what I think." my reasonable voice said, "I appreciate you calling; can you give me an example."  There weren't many examples, but one stood out and has haunted me for weeks.  "The picture of you and SK in your bikinis."  My friend explained to me that because I was a priest and not everyone knew me, the wrong idea might be made--a negative image might come across and if anyone was ever searching and possibly calling me to another parish it might not be the best image to have of me.   I listened and thanked her, told her I valued her opinion, hung up the phone and removed the picture from facebook.  As I said it has haunted me....

That picture, that picture, that picture--posting that picture was very difficult for me and it meant more to post it than probably anyone knows.  I had an eating disorder as a teenager; it was severe. What some people don't know is that like addictions eating disorders are never totally gone--they are managed, controlled, and survived.  I to this day hate my body--the fact that I even had on a bikini was a victory (never in public where I might know people-only far away); the fact that I let a picture be taken of me in a bathing suit at all was a victory; and the fact that my daughter asked me to post it and I did--that's a victory.  I have spent her entire life battling my own disease in the hopes that none of my children will suffer from this same disease, and so I posted that picture as a semi-victory salute, (with fingers crossed).

Yet I still can't stop thinking about this.  I can't stop thinking about it not because I don't think my friend was right but perhaps because I know how right she was about way more than she realized.  I have thought about the times I have seen words or pictures posted on facebook and made a judgment about the person or their motives; I have thought about the times I haven't posted a picture or words on facebook because I didn't want to be judged.  And I have thought about how social media is a window into our worlds, into our lives, into our thoughts, hopes, dreams, pains, and sorrow but how it is just a window and you can't look in a window and see everything.  Sometimes when you look into a window you have to fill in the picture--that looks like a ____________even though I can't see it all, so it much be a _____________.  I have thought about how I am a wife, mother, sister, daughter, cousin, aunt, friend. and priest and that those worlds collide on facebook and in social media, but not everyone who sees them knows about who I am in my totality.  And I think daily now about all the "friends" I have and whose lives I get glimpses of because of social media.  I am grateful for the glimpses I get, and I pray that I remember they are only glimpses--glimpses chosen to be revealed for reasons I may never know.