Blessings, Fear and a Circle of Love

As they wheeled me out of the hospital holding Sarah Katherine 19 years ago, I struggled to suppress an uncontrollable fit of the giggles.  I looked over at Chris and saw a look of disbelief on his face.  We buckled SK into her car seat, got in the car ourselves, and I turned to Chris and said, "They're really letting us leave with her..."  "I know," Chris replied, "We have no idea what we're doing; don't they know that?"  Four and a half years later when we left with our fourth little blessing, we absolutely knew (and I'm pretty sure everyone else did too) we didn't know what we were doing, but we had learned that with a little laughter, a lot of faith and the blessing of family and friends we would be alright.

Over the years there have been numerous times when we have been quite aware we had no idea what we were doing.  There have been times of deep fear and deep sorrow, but there have also been many times of joy and hope and laughter.  One of the things we have learned (shh, don't tell our children, we aren't sure they are yet aware) is that we have so much less control than we want to have, then we believe we need to have to keep our family safe and secure.  We have had to face the reality that there is evil in the world, in the shadows, that can and does threaten the sense of safety and security that we have tried to build in our home.  And we have experienced times of having to face that evil as it tries to penetrate the world of goodness that God has given us all.

9/11 was for so many of us in the world one of those days.  Sarah Katherine was in kindergarten, and I am so grateful she was in parochial school.  The school released all students that morning saying, "At times like these families need to be together, to pray and hold one another close."  That day I gathered all four children together and we joined with friends as the adults tried to both not allow our fear to seep into the innocent world of childhood and to try to make sense of what was happening.

As our children have grown that innocent world of childhood has been punctured on several occasions.  Truth be told as the children have grown, Chris and I have known that as much as we hate to do it, we have had to allow some of our fears into their world.  We have had to let them know that the goodness of the world God has given us is broken and that they have to be careful; they have to be aware.  And we have had to let go--we have had to let them go to school without us, to drive the car alone, and to go off to college--all the while knowing that bad things do happen to good people, to careful people, to innocent people, to God's people.

This weekend the brokenness of the world cracked the security  of our girl's world.  A young girl has gone missing from the hallowed Grounds of the University of Virginia.  It's hitting too close--I am terrified.  I in no way want to equate how my fear must compare to Hannah's family.  My heart breaks for them and my prayers for both Hannah and her family are never ceasing.  But I have to admit I am scared and that desperation to be able to both pray and physically hold Sarah Katherine is coarsing through my veins--and she is 494.8 miles away.

When Chris and I took SK, our first blessing, to school we were both comforted knowing there were people there who knew and loved us--blessings God has given our family.  The blessing of friendships given to me over 20 years ago.  Friends of mine who had never before met SK reached out to her and to us.  Diddy gave her a mug filled with goodies as a welcome; Adonice took her a cake, promised me she'd open her medicine caps (remember that is a skill SK does not have); Holland re-entered our lives, and Ellen, Molly, Dana, Andrea  and many others sent me messages to say, if she needs anything tell her to call.  I had no idea what that need may be...

Over the last 24 hours those friends, those blessings have reached out to me and to SK.  I am not there to hold her, to protect her, to offer her a sense of security, but they are.   I am so comforted knowing my girl has a safety net, a circle of love, and I wish every parent had that.  I am grateful beyond words for my friends and my heart hurts for all parents who have had to let their children go and who don't have that safety net wherever their children are.  I pray for them, for peace in their hearts and I pray for this world.  I pray that we can all be blessings to each other and that as we form our circle of love that bond becomes so strong that soon, very soon, only the goodness of God and the world God created exists.  I pray our circle of love expands to blanket the entire world and evil is no more.

We left the hospital that day 19 years ago with one of God's gifts, one of God's blessings given to u; we may not have known what we were doing, but God has provided.  I had no idea how much God would continue to bless us--today I give special thanks for those blessings God has given me that reside in C'ville. Words will never be adequate to express the peace you bring to my heart.  Thank you; I love ya'll--hug my girl.  My hands aren't there, but yours are as my hands, as God's hands.