Conversations Stop When....

It was a quiet Friday morning (well as quiet as it can be when you have a precious toddler running around the house).  We were sitting by the fire reading books when my phone exploded--okay it didn't explode, but when I read the text I knew that if Caroline's emotions could be transmitted through the phone it would have. She was furious; I was stunned, (not by her response but that someone would state that as fact),  and I was trying to talk her through how to handle the situation--not easy to do with a furious 14 year old who holds very strong views AND with whom you can only communicate via text (and I'm not sure she should have even been doing that).

Long before I was ordained, really for the children's entire lives, we have openly discussed our faith, our beliefs and the challenges that those sometimes hold.  We have talked about how not everyone necessarily believes the same way we do even in the Episcopal church.  (Actually we have talked about that we might not all agree on everything either.) Frankly that is part of what we love about the Episcopal church--it's a place where people can come together and struggle, can come together and share their beliefs, can come together and differ in their beliefs but can also all gather around the table as equally loved, equally accepted children of God. Sometimes we forget this, but part of being in this community is reminding one another, loving one another, and accepting one another.

"We have a particular way of going about trying to make sense of it all, which we call the Anglican tradition. It’s more about being in relationship than getting things right. And, we think that it is more important to pray together than to all believe exactly the same things."

Canon George Maxwell--"Letters to a Young Episcopalian"  ( worth reading: Letters to a Young Episcopalian)

There had been a presentation in her Global studies class about Christianity and it was stated that "All Christians believe homosexuality is a sin."  This is SO not what our family believes (on this the six of us do agree) and Caroline may in fact be the fiercest about it.  (Of course she's also a highly emotional hormone infused 14 year old, but frankly I'm proud of her...)  I knew that she was as upset about the "all" as anything else.  She does not like people speaking for her, and she is very clear about certain parts of her faith.  There are some parts of her faith that are her "die on the hill", this is one of them.

I could picture Caroline walking down the halls telling any and everyone who would listen that that is not in fact what ALL Christians believe.  I'll be honest, the children have a hard time understanding why anyone would believe that, but we do try to have open honest conversations about respecting the views of others and we try to see this and other issues from a variety of positions.  It's hard for them; I'll be honest, it's hard for me.  So I tried to calm her down for the moment, but I knew this conversation would be a hot topic for the weekend.

Sure enough it was--and sure enough I was right (oh, I love when that happens!)  Caroline, "The presentations were supposed to be factual only.  He wanted to express his personal beliefs; he even told me that so he presented his beliefs AS THOUGH THEY WERE FACTS!!!!  You can't do that!!!!  It is not what ALL Christians believe it is only what SOME believe."  I suggested that she may want to bring this back up in class on Monday--to clarify.  "Oh, I don't need to," she responded, "I told everyone in the halls that would listen to me.  People don't get to tell me what I believe.  I'll listen to you until you decide that you are right period and when you don't let me speak up at all." (yep, I was right again)

So many lessons we can learn from my highly emotional, very loud, faithful daughter.  It's important to know what you believe, AND it's important to be open to what others believe.  But, conversations stop when we begin to use the words "ALL" "EVERYONE" "NO ONE" or any other word that doesn't leave room for difference, that doesn't leave room for dialogue.  I do however believe there is one sentence that can be said with certainty; it is one my Bishop says often and one that has become a part of my inner being, part of my deepest held beliefs (my die on the hill),  "God loves everyone NO exceptions." Perhaps if we can start with that, dialogues about anything can continue. 

PS--We did remind her that punching people in the face is NOT the answer.  











*Disclaimer:  I thought long and hard about posting this.  I know not everyone agrees with our family and our family's belief about this particular issue (or other issues for that matter).  I know that some people who disagree are friends whom I love dearly.  I maintain, "God loves everyone no exceptions" and God asks us to do the same--to love those with whom we agree and to love those with whom we don't--No exceptions.  I love you all...