Technology Brings Out My Multiple Personalities

Technology, social media--I get it.  It's controversial--does it help to create community or does it hinder relationships?  Do we use it to enhance our relationships or do we hide behind the protective walls of our screens?  I get it, and I could argue both sides; I have argued both sides, perhaps I will (read I am sure I will depending on my mood) continue to argue both sides (which could actually indicate a personality issue, but that's for my therapist and me to work on).

In our immediate family I have fussed (read raged) on both sides of the issue.  I have demanded all phones be band from the table, and I have "hidden" mine under the table as I engaged in conversation both at the table and with someone on text.  I have criticized my family for being unhealthily attached to their phones and they have said the same to me.  In full disclosure last night Chris and I argued over me being on my phone.  In my defense I was tracking where the children, who I trust as much as anyone should trust a teenager with a car, were (yep there's an app for that--perhaps another issue--controlling anyone?) In Chris' defense it was date night.  I digress, back to the issue...

Last week I was at Forma 2015 with some of the most amazing people I have ever had the honor of

Dinner after escaping the birds

being around.  Some of my best friends I see once a year at this conference and every year I meet a new best friend or friends.  These people get me, they love me, they share my passion, and I love them with every ounce of my heart, and I promise you that I was fully present with them.  I soak up my time with them, but I also desperately miss my family and being wife and mama.

Those aren't leaves; they're birds.

Thursday night I was walking with a group to dinner and suddenly overhead there were thousands (I am not exaggerating) of birds flying and squawking and I went into full panic while at the same time trying to act like a mature adult in front of these people who love me but do not know everything about me.  I am terrified of birds--heart pounding, palms sweating, fight or flight terrified.  I tried to act casual...one of the things I have learned is that if I try to control my irrational fears (bridges and birds) by laughing it sometimes helps.  So

Forma friends at dinner

I took a picture and texted it to the family--those five people who have been trained for over 20 years to either run ahead of me and flap their arms like human birds to clear the way for me or to hold my hand tightly as we walk through the
danger zone. And they responded.  I was still walking (very quickly mind you) with my friends but my family was supporting me from afar because only they knew that I truly was in a state of panic.

That text promoted an endless series of texts over the next 48 hours between the six of us.  I was in Texas, SK was in Virginia, the others were in Kentucky, but we were connected.  We were sharing our lives, sharing what we were doing (also making fun of each other, but hey that's the O'Doyles at their best).  I was showing one of the texts to a friend and she said, "Do you have any idea how unusual it is that your children are including you and your husband in a group text?"

I stopped for a minute and thought about it; no I didn't immediately see how unusual it was, that's the way we have always been sharing our lives together.
We have always sat around the dinner table sharing our days, laughing at jokes only we would get (or that everyone else gets and I try to get, but they let me try), making fun of ourselves (and one another) but mostly loving and supporting one another.  Those nights of all six of us at the dinner table are way too rapidly decreasing, but technology has provided us with another forum, a virtual dinner table. Our connection doesn't have to and won't end.  We can stay involved with one another both in individual relationships and as a family.  We can stay connected about the big events of our lives and the every day parts of our lives sharing "insignificant" stories that only the six of us would find funny, only the six of us would understand because we have spent years developing our individual and family stories. We can stay connected not at the expense of face to face contact but in addition to face to face contact.

I suspect the debate will continue; I suspect I will continue to struggle with how to appropriately use technology, but last week it worked.  Last week I was connected to my family community  while at the same time being in the physical presence of the Forma community.  I needed both; both were good and holy and real.  Both were part of my story, part of God's story.

Plus, if it weren't for texts, I wouldn't have been able to see these wonderful pictures of my "stars"!