I Want to Be....

Yesterday I was stomping up the stairs, stepping over the dog hair, pouting, and listing in my head all the things I want to be.

I want to be the person whose house is always immaculate.  You know the person whose house you leave and say to everyone, "Her house is always immaculate."

I want to be the person whose house is comfortable and worthy of being in Southern Living--who has the gift to decorate, to pull things together, and to make anything I add look good.  (I know those people--my mother-in-law, my sister and my good friend Hope can put a pile of dog poop in their house and make it look spectacular.)

I want to be the person who says, "Oh my house is such a mess." and everyone looks around and thinks, "Really?" Okay, no I don't want to be that person--those people are completely annoying--but my thoughts continued...

I want to be the person who starts a load of laundry, folds it, and puts it away all at once, and not the person who continually has a laundry basket of folded clothes in random places--den, hall, and if I'm lucky bedrooms.

I want to be the person whose baseboards are always clean and not a sign to her family that life is stressful and out of control--lately my baseboards have been SPOTLESS!!!

I want to be the person whose dining room table has a beautiful arrangement on it and isn't continually covered with books, computers, and papers that get pushed to the side each night to set
the table.

I want to be the person whose surfaces are tidy and spotless without water rings.

I want to be the person who enters her children's rooms and beds are made, towels aren't on the floor and there's not a strange odor.

I want to be the person who straightens her children's drawers and not only when she's looking for contraband--(I want to be the person who doesn't have to admit she knows where all the good hiding places for contraband are because--well, maybe I can blame the fact that I know that on my high school friends?  Oh man, I can't do that,  I want to be a person of integrity... so you can fill in the blanks however you want. I also want to be a person who allows others to use their imagination :) )

I want to be a person whose books are organized and not piled up around her bed; I want to be a person who reads every book she orders.

I want to be the person who cleans her house from top to bottom in one day and not certain rooms and others with as my Grandmother used to say, "a lick and a prayer."  Well, maybe I do want to do that--she was SO much fun!!! (I love hearing stories about her parties in Norton from my daddy's friends.  All these years later they remember her with smiles, laughter, and love--I want to be that Mama.)

I want to be the person whose house is ready to go on the market at all times and not the woman who thinks, "I will never move only because it exhausts me thinking about getting the house ready."

I want to be the person who washes her glass doors everyday and doesn't think, "The dogs will just jump right back up on them."

I want to be the person who fixes the handle on my drawer and doesn't just use a pencil in its place.

As I stomped around listing in my head all the things I wish I was, the things I wanted to be, at the same time trying to find where I'd stashed all the different cleaning supplies I needed (I also want to be the person whose cleaning supplies are organized), putting away laundry (from three days ago), looking for contraband (I found none) and sweeping the stairs (two dust pans full), I thought,

But I also want to be the person who says, "Sure you can have friends over this weekend." and doesn't worry that the basement hasn't been vacuumed in days.  (They're teenagers; they're just going to re-mess it up!)

I want to be the person who says yes to hosting the team dinner the day before because no one else could. (I also want to be the person who runs around like a crazy person to get the right "colors.")

I want to be the person who hosts gingerbread house making parties because SK has loved and connected with these children for years (as have I) and she's home!!! And I want to do it every year even though it's one the busiest time of year for a priest.

I want to be the person who loves having random groups of people over--people who meet each other and grow to love one another on our lumpy not stylish couch.

I want to be the person who stops doing laundry to meet a friend for lunch, volunteer at the school, take a walk.

I want to be the person whose children do their homework downstairs, talking to me about their day while I am cooking dinner. And the person who more times than not has the family (and anyone else who shows up) eating dinner around the table together after she's pushed the books and papers aside.

Definitely covered in dog hair

I want to be the person who has the toddler over and lets her eat in the den ("Aunt Tatherine in here") so she can dance and sing with Kistopher even though  I will have to scrub the surfaces so much the paint begins to come off.  (She's also probably covered with dog hair when she leaves.)

I want to be the person who understands the stresses of life for teens today, who understands how hard my children are working in school, on the athletic courts/fields, on the stage, and at work and to remember that one day I can keep their rooms as spotless as I want.  (I also need to remember to put febreeze in everyone's room....)

I want to be the person who leaves her house with a lick and a prayer because I understand the importance of friendship and my daughter HAS to surprise her friend for her birthday even though it's in Bowling Green and pouring down rain.

I want to be the person who says, "Sure come on over and we can talk" and doesn't run around like a chicken with her head cut off trying to clean up so I can "prove" that I'm together enough to offer you any sort of listening ear and/or advice (well maybe I do run around a little).

I want to be the person who has passion to read, to learn, to stretch her mind, to explore new ideas..

As I cleaned, my mind began to settle down (cleaning is therapeutic) and I thought about what I really wanted.  I really want to be the person God created me to be accepting my strengths and weaknesses, my gifts and my limitations.  I want to be the person who extends to myself the same grace I try to extend to others.  Ultimately, I guess I just want to be me.

Two Disclaimers:
1.  No one needs to write me and tell me I shouldn't have outed my mother-in-law, my sister, and my friend for having dog poop in their house.  They DO NOT  have dog poop in their homes--but I hold to the statement that IF they did, it would look artistic and fit in with their decor perfectly.

2. There are some people who can do all of the above and do it gracefully.  Those are probably the same people who don't need a therapist....