Some of my favorites--"Do you know how this keeps happening?" Well, yes I do thank you very much and apparently we're just quite good at it. (I think I've said before this blog isn't for the easily offended....) or "I don't know how you do it every day. There's no way I could." Well, sometimes I don't; I just wake up, put them all in their separate cages and go about my day anyway I want--(Seriously people? You just get up and do it again and again and again..there's no choice--but if you mean that question as a compliment, please excuse my sarcastic thoughts..). Or, "Do you like having them this close together?" Now that's probably the most reasonable except for the fact that I know no other way....
Recently the question I've been repeatedly asked is, "Who was/is the hardest to raise?" or "Who was/is the easiest to raise?" or even, "Are boys or girls harder?" (That question I'm not touching with a ten foot pole--seems a bit sexist to me and I'm sure my liberal daughter would tear my head off if I tried--so maybe she isn't the easiest...) The one that honestly makes me lol (that's me trying to be cool with the text lingo) is, "You're kids are so great. How do you do it?" Of course that question usually comes from someone who has never read my blog or facebook posts....
But I have been thinking about it (read obsessing about it) over these past few weeks. Part of the thought process has been tormenting myself about my role--thinking about how what I have done that has helped my children grow up--thinking more about how what I have done has hurt my children--I even blogged about it--Whose Fault Is It? (yeah and I thought that would free my mind from being highjacked by the all consuming questions--apparently I need more therapy to know myself better).
So here's an attempt to answer the question--Is it easier to rear a child who obsesses over making straight A's and being in the position of having to beg her AP physics teacher to give her a B before she leaves for college so you can help her get through it without breathing into a paper bag? (I admitted that to her last night...) Or is it easier to rear a child who has a learning disability but makes such good grades the school tells you they can't give him an IEP-- that is until he begins to fail? (Yeah because that makes sense--let's wait until his self esteem is in the crapper and then get him help--clearly time for a school change.) Is it easier to rear a child who has so much potential but only puts in minimal effort?
Is it easier to rear a child who all the faculty and staff adore (yes I know he's got the cutest dimples in the world I see them every day, and I know he's polite I've trained him BUT CAN HE READ?!?!?) or to rear a child who is a little less lovable by authority figures, who is strong willed but has a heart of gold once he respects you (and by the way, he also has those cute dimples although they're not as pronounced).
Is it easier to rear a child who works so hard at every sport s/he wants to play and still sometimes sits on the bench or to rear a natural athlete who doesn't know what it means to work hard? (Until they hit high school and then...) Is it easier to rear a popular child who gets invited to every party (and you worry about what happens at all those parties--actually you know because you are also rearing a child or children who tells you everything--or if they're not telling you everything you don't want to hear the rest...) or is it easier to rear a child who rarely gets invited to a party? Is it easier to rear a child who follows every rule to the T never questioning or to rear a child who challenges every boundary?
Is it easier to rear a child who has no filter (one guess as to which child that is) or to rear a child who keeps everything inside? Is it easier to rear a child who makes a joke out of everything or a child who is so sensitive they cry or explode at even the smallest imagined slight? Is it easier to rear a child who never thinks s/he is enough and is full of self criticism or a child who has so much confidence s/he can't take any criticism? Is it easier to rear a child who is open and honest about his/her doubts and fears or a child that hides his/her insecurities behind a "cool" facade?
I could go on and on but the bottom line is, I don't have an answer because none of it's easy--not for me--not for any parent. And back to my previous blog--we as parents can only do so much. That's the answer I really want to give people who ask (and particularly to young parents who make statements such as "my children will always or my children will never" seriously y'all please don't it will come back to haunt you--and those of us with older children roll our eyes and laugh behind you're back--didn't say we were nice...and besides your comments made to us are usually perceived as judgmental and unkind--not to mention delusional)--anyway, what I want to say to ALL parents is be kind to yourself, do your best, be intentional, but extend to yourself and to your children room to make mistakes surrounded by forgiveness and grace--
Before the children walk out the door to go anywhere I say, "Have fun; remember who you are; be true to yourself." As I've thought about the questions I get asked I've thought about this family motto. I realize that as I have said it all these years it has really been about them being true to who I want them to be--to the values and morals I want them to have--to the behaviors I want them to choose--frankly to the way to be that reflects positively on me.
What I want to ask (but perhaps I'm not ready to answer) is are you ready for your children to be true to themselves--themselves as God and not you created them to be?
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