Three Years

Me, "Ugh, I'm so tired of mopping these floors everyday."
Boss, "In three years you won't have to. We'll all be gone."
Me, "I'll still have the dogs."
Boss, "Bobby will probably be dead and Winnie will be old."
Me, "She'll still need to go out and she will still track in."
Boss, "I don't think you can know what the world will look like in three years."

Just a normal smart ass conversation between my 18 year old son and me as he was leaving for school, and yet, I couldn't let it go....

It's not just that I practically dissolve into tears (okay not practically, I do) whenever I think about being an emptynester.  I mean it kind of is that--I have no idea what the world will look like in three years on a global level (and that scares the beejezus out of me particularly because of this upcoming election).  But even scarier for me, I have no idea what my world will look like.  Who will I be in three years? The children will be gone (although not off the payroll) and being their mother has been my world. I'm still in transition from my previous call, will I still be? All day I thought about his off the cuff remark and while I can proudly say my anxiety didn't mount, my curiosity did.  (Okay maybe my anxiety mounted just a little...) So last night as I was showering I started thinking about February three years ago; three years doesn't seem like much time, but....

• Three years ago I was newly ordained and the curate at Calvary--I'm no longer there and have yet to settle anywhere (2013)
• Three years before that we were living at the seminary and I was in my second year (2010)
• Three years before that we lived in England and had no idea we would live in Louisville (2007)
• Three years before that we lived in Pittsburgh and seminary was not on my radar screen (I thought I'd go when the children were gone--you know three years from now....) (2004)
• Three years before that we lived in Athens and I would have died if you told me I'd live in Pittsburgh (the place where my faith grew and deepened and some of my best friends ever were made) (2001)
• Three years before that we had two children and thought we were done--2 months later I was pregnant (1998)
• Three years before that I was pregnant with our first child, living in Augusta and I worked for Planned Parenthood (1995)
• Three years before that I had was grieving an on again off again relationship that was permanently off--I met Chris 6 months later (1992)

I thought about all the changes that happened in these three year increments.  I thought about how not once would I have been able to predict three years down the road.  In fact, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have asked for any of the change that came each three years (except the two more children...I was praying against Chris on that one...) And yet, I know I wouldn't change a thing.  Each of those three years brought love and laughter and joy and growth and change.  Each of those three years had times of sadness and anxiety and uncertainty and pain.  But each of those three years have made me into who I am today--I hope a little wiser and a little kinder. I know each of those three years has deepened my faith as I learned to trust (most of the time) that God is in control. (whose earthly ministry by the way was three years....)

I have no idea what the next three years will bring; I guess I'll just wait and see...