To See

Monday morning I put on my running shoes and with my mind

reeling from a testy conversation about the words "love vs. hate", I headed down the drive and out the hedges--out of the safety and security of The Cousin's and into the world-- feeling angry and alone...

My mind was spinning at the rate of a 78 not a 45 (those who understand that are especially loved)--love vs. hate, love vs. hate, love vs. hate--I had just sent an email out saying that as Christians we are called not to be against but to transform. I wrote, "God can transform all things even hate." and I do believe that, but at the same time I was struggling personally. Who am I to say we are to love those who target the least of these, love those who commit horrendous acts and yet I can't find the strength to love some in my own life who I believe have hurt me? I was thankful at the end of my run I would return to the safety of The Cousin's for another day...

I started to run despite how tired I felt in my body and soul. "But" I said to myself, "I'm just going to run to the circle and run around that for awhile. I don't have the energy to run to the end of the street where I will have to face the dogs. For 21 years I have been running this route and at the same house vicious dogs run out from under what seems to be a deserted home and chase me. I have not at this point been bitten, others have, and the terror remains...

I turned on a commentary about this upcoming Sunday's readings starting withThe Good Samaritan. I listened to the commentators and was reminded of the animosity between the Samaritans and the Jews. I was reminded it was much deeper than most of us realize.  This wasn't just a rivalry--Cats vs. Card; Dawgs vs. Gators. This was about life and death, destruction and fear. These groups had targeted one another and one another's most sacred spaces. I suppose someone who befriended someone from "the other side" could be disowned, ostracized and left completely alone not accepted by either group. They may have to leave the safety of the hedges alone forever.

A priest and a levite saw him and crossed the street. They saw him and kept going. They saw him. They saw him.

I wondered why? Were they really too busy as skits and stories often depict? Or were they afraid? Did they think those who had beaten the man might still be in the vicinity? Did they worry if they stopped to help the man someone might accuse them of being the robbers?

But the Samaritan--despite the danger, despite the risk, despite his possible own fear and uncertainty--he stopped. He saw the man, approached the man and cared for the man. Despite knowing the past, knowing the history of these two groups, knowing this very man could have been one who had destroyed property, one who had intentionally or unintentionally caused pain to Samaritans, despite knowing this man upon healing could accuse him, despite all that he saw and he stopped.

Saw him, saw him, saw him--these words took over the words love vs. hate mantra. The first two men saw the beaten man--one of their own and and crossed the street; they avoided; they distanced themselves. I wonder if later it haunted them? I wonder if they ever thought about it again? I wonder if they ever saw a man who looked like him and wondered what happened to him? I wonder if every time they passed that spot they remembered? I wonder if they ever found out who the man was or whether they had mutual friends?

As I ran around that circle for third time I thought about how for the past 4 months I have done that very thing. I have been hurt and angry by some who I know (or think I know) hurt one of my children with gossip and rumor. And for months when seeing one of these, I have crossed "the road." I have avoided places; I have avoided people; I have been in the same place, lowered my eyes and never crossed the space between us. I have let my hurt and anger fester. I have found others to help me justify my feelings and behavior. But I have seen....and I have chosen to walk on by.

Love vs. hate, transform vs. destroy, seeing vs. looking down, walking by vs. crossing over...

As I write this today with all the hate and violence of the last 48 hours, I realize this seems so minimal. Yes a lot has happened this year; yes my pain is real and deep; yes I even have some memories I wish I didn't have (and I great therapist who is helping) but I in no way want to equate it with the travesty and devastation others have had. But as I write I think how hard it has been (at this point impossible) to cross the deck of a party and engage because of my pain and yet as a priest I am praying for and calling for us to respond to these events in love, to stand with those who are hurt ALL those who are hurt even with those we blame, and I realize despite how trivial in comparison mine seems if I could find the strength to cross over it could be a start. We are all called to cross over, to see and to engage both in big and small ways. Every step is essential....

And on Tuesday I ran past the dogs and thought about my sermon for this week and I thought...maybe one day soon I'll be able to walk across a deck...

Public Service Announcement (at least for St. Thomas people and all those who want to join us)--there will be a different sermon this week. Hope to see you.