What Makes Someone Real?

Several weeks ago someone asked me, “Was that uncle of yours who died your real uncle?” I thought the person was asking whether he was my family uncle or a close friend we call “uncle”, so I answered yes. “Oh, I’m so sorry,” the person continued, “Was he your mother’s brother or your father’s brother?” “No,” I answered still not catching on, “he was my mother’s sister’s husband.” “So not your real uncle,” the person concluded.

That stung. And it stung more this weekend. As I went running the first morning after arriving at Cousins Weekend, I couldn’t get those words out of my head. And I started thinking about what makes someone or rather a relationship “real?” (And yes, The Velveteen Rabbit did come to mind.)

Real is when a person’s eyes light up when you walk into a room and so do yours.

Real is when you ask about each other’s lives and really listen and care about the answers.

Real is when days, weeks or even months go by without seeing each other, and when you’re back together it’s like no time has passed.

Real is when you know the good, the bad, and the ugly and you love anyway.

Real is when you are disappointed by the other, and you disappoint the other, and you love anyway.

Real is when you disagree, sometimes even on big issues, and you love anyway.

Real is when you don’t understand why someone does or says something, and you love anyway.

Real is when you share your darkest days, fears, and failures, and you are loved anyway.

Real is when your world is just a little dimmer when someone dies, but you know the person wants you to continue to live, and to laugh, and to love.

So yeah, he was my “real” Uncle, and I think I was his “real” niece.

And this picture—this is me and two of my real cousins. Couldn’t do life without either!