I woke up this morning at 4:36 am with my heart racing as though I had just come in from a mile sprint. My mind was also in overload but I couldn't slow it down enough to know what it was all about. All I knew was pictures of my children rushed by like a screen saver on speed. Outside a storm raged, and I burrowed under the covers attempting to catch my breath. Now let me be clear--there is nothing going on right now which should have me responding in this way. And yet I was.
Not very smartly, I decided to think about each of the children and imagine what was going on in their lives right now. (I get it--completely dumb, but hey, it was 4:30 in the morning!) They are all young adults living their lives, making choices I may or may not agree with--they are young adults growing into the people God created them to be. "Or not," the evil part of my brain taunted.
A little bit later I realized there was no going back to sleep, so I got up and tried to journal. That wasn't working so well either, and it was still raining. Before long there was a brief interlude in the rain and Winnie and I set off for a walk on the beach where I planned to have a serious conversation with God.
As I reached the top of the walkway and saw the raging waters a thought suddenly popped into my head. (Let's just call her the Holy Spirit.) "Think about all the ways you delight in your children. Think about all the things they are doing that have you bursting with pride." And so I did.
Then I heard this, "He brought me out into a broad place; he rescued me because he delighted in me." (Psalm 18:19) I stood and looked out across the vast expanse of the beach to the wild turbulent waves, and my heart rate slowed, and I was completely at peace. My slowed down heart burst with love and pride as new pictures slowly entered my mind.
I began to walk, but the Holy Spirit wasn't through with me. "You know," she gently said, "You don't have to only come to me when you're in despair. You don't have to only come to me when you're in need or scared or repentant. I delight in you and want to be in relationship with you during times of joy as well as times of pain. Just as you worry about your children, I worry about you. And just as you delight in your children, I delight in you."
I continued to walk and the sun came out. I watched Winnie chasing birds and waves. I smiled and waved at others enjoying the morning sun after the stormy night. I realized I need to practice this new learning, so I committed to writing down each day at least one thing I did or said that would delight the Lord.
I walked to the pier, slapped it, and turned around. Suddenly the skies turned black and the rain pelted my face, but it was okay. God was with me in the sunshine, and God stayed with me during the storm.
In the storms, in the sunshine, in despair, and in delight--God is there. Guess I just needed a reminder today.
(But did it have to be so early in the morning?)
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