Leave Room for the Holy Spirit (and not just at dances)

Last Sunday after church I came home and sent a text to one of my best friends and a clergy

colleague. "Preaching is getting harder and harder to preach hope."

I love preaching. My call to ordination came with these words which popped into my head as I crossed over Broad Street in Athens, Georgia July 1997. "Make faith matter to people's ordinary everyday lives." But right now, right now, like so many other people, I'm tired. I'm tired, and I feel like I say the same thing over and over, and I can't remember what I said, and....let me back up a minute.

Two weeks ago I went in for a routine appointment. My lab work came back with extremely low iron levels. I've been anemic before, but this was different. I did a little research (love me some web MD!) and discovered in addition to exhaustion low

iron causes brittle nails (my nails were breaking daily), hair falling out (clogged sink anyone?), cold hands and feet (well that's nothing new), heart palpitations (which are keeping me from sleeping despite the exhaustion), feeling anxious (ding ding we have a winner!), and get ready, confusion (the gold medal).  Surgery has been scheduled but in the meantime...

Back to the preaching---I don't preach with a script or any notes (which doesn't mean I don't spend hours on it). By the time I deliver a sermon I have "rehearsed" it many many times in my head. Truth is there are some mornings I go for a run or iron before service and the Holy Spirit decides some of it needs to change. I respect that, and 99% of the time give into her. But last Sunday....

I was preaching. Preaching during this time is hard any time--I hate not seeing people. I'm an extrovert and get energy from people, seeing faces. I like seeing expressions on people's faces even if it's boredom, disagreement, or in the case of my children making the "cut" sign. This week, I couldn't remember what I had said when I started the sermon, and by the time I sat down, I had no idea what I'd said throughout. I was 100% sure it was disjointed and all over the board. I was both embarrassed and exhausted, and thus my text to my friend.

It's been a few days. I actually heard from a few people who said it resonated with them--I have no clue what that was because I can't remember it and I'm still too intimidated to listen to the recording. (Okay y'all, seriously! How messed up is that?!!?!? I'm intimidated by myself....Becky?) Today during yet another zoom call we prayed a prayer written by Bishop Ken Untener but often credited to Oscar Romero. These words resonated with me, "It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way, an opportunity for the Lord's grace to enter in and do the rest. We may never see the end results, but that is the difference between the master builder and the worker. We are the workers, not master builders; ministers, not messiahs." Basically, step aside, do your best, and leave room for the Holy Spirit.

What are you trying desperately to control? Where do you believe you are at best, mediocre? These are hard times, give yourself a break, trust, and leave room for the Holy Spirit. Maybe today was a mediocre day for you. That's okay. You are a beloved child of God, and you're enough--the Holy Spirit will fill in the rest.