It's About People

My mother kept an immaculate house. (Our friends lovingly called her Barbisol--not to her face.) Let me elaborate a little bit...the house was immaculate--dinner on the kitchen floor? No problem. She had high expectations, and we for the most part met them. There were very specific "rules" or ways things should be done. Bathroom sink and mirror cleaned every morning. No sitting on. beds after they're made.  Drawers and closet doors shut tightly with nothing hanging out. No posters on the walls. We had assigned chores that rotated every week. Dusting, unloading the dishwasher, setting the table, cleaning the bathroom--I think you can get the picture. 

That was and is all true. And it was good. I mean who doesn't want to live in a clean house? But there was a part of it...let's just. say I have a good friend who still has PTSD from the time Mother saw her sitting on the bed...

And here's the other truth that I firmly believe Mother would even agree with--well I know she would. I do not have the same "standard." I mean she's told me and others. "Katherine isn't the housekeeper I am." Just like I'm sure there are things I say which grate on my children and make them run for their body armor, Mother makes comments such as "When. was the last time you cleaned these ceiling fans?" In the past, before Mother would come to visit, it was not pleasant for my family. I was A MESS and frantically tried to make everything perfect. (Side note--it never was.) It might also be true this has been a topic talked about during therapy on many occasions.

Ready for a third truth? Chris and I love to have people over, and we really do care about making it nice for people. We also want it to be clean. But I can promise you, it is never immaculate. 

The other night we were talking about the "gathering" (it is a gathering because it's less than 20 people) we are having to celebrate William's graduation this weekend. Two weeks ago the kitchen sink collapsed--no one is available to fix it this week. Three weeks ago the bathroom flooded and we now have multiple water stains on our living room ceiling. (The holes that were there for a year are finally, or at least temporarily, gone.) Two days ago I painted 1/2 a kitchen cabinet trying to choose a color for the new kitchen we are going to get. So basically, yeah, it's not a perfect house. 

Chris asked me whether we should postpone until we had some stuff done. I thought about it. I mean I thought about it A LOT! And then I said, "Nope, let's do it." Part of that is me trying to break out from the feeling of not being enough because I don't measure up to an extremely high standard. (Don't worry I have therapy tomorrow.) And part of it was because I really believe it's not about having a perfect setting, it's about people, who guess what? Also aren't perfect!  

So this is me--slightly rebelling but totally loving people. Because that's what it's all about right? Love and people.

Oh, and you can sit on our beds--I'm the only one that makes mine!

Obviously, I'm still not completely settled or comfortable with this. If I was, I probably wouldn't be writing about it. But I'm trying.