I really get a kick out of hearing people say, "you're just so good at going with the flow." I suppose having four children in 4 1/2 years can do that to you. The reason I get a kick out of it, however, is because I'm really not....
Well, maybe I am more so than some, but I'm only good at it until I'm totally not. There is no in-between for me--totally laid back or spinning so far out of control because I'm not in control that people who know me well know to just stand clear.
I woke up this morning and knew before I ever got out of bed I was moving to the spinning...the music to You Spin Me Right Round began playing in my mind before I could wipe the sleep out of my eyes. I tried to ignore it. (Yeah, it's entertaining for me too to believe I can do that.)
Chris got up first--mistake number 1 on days when I'm feeling out of control....I jumped on him for not following MY routine with the dogs. He, because he has lived with me for 28+ years and has learned the hard way, responded with a joke instead of an angry or even rational retort. "They're just dogs," was a part of the joke. It didn't work. I felt the need to explain they weren't dogs, they were beloved creatures of God. (Who probably care less about routine than I do, but again, I was revving up...plus Chris had already left to take a shower so the dogs were my only audience.)
I started up the stairs (you can, if you so choose, read that as stomped) ready to take on the next injustice in my life. It didn't take long--walked into our bedroom and there were two large duffel bags full of
MALE clothes which had been moved over from the apartment. "You said you were going to put those away," I spit out, "when exactly are you going to do that?" Looking back I can see he was starting to lose his patience with me (can't say that I blame him), but he tried to remain calm, "Probably not until this weekend. I'm having a long week with long days."
Oh, Sweet Jesus--Sweet Jesus might have run away with the bluegrass band at this point because my head snapped up. "Well, I've had a lot going on this week too." And at this point, Chris might have just made his acceptance speech to sainthood, "I know you do, but here's the thing. They can both be true. Just because I say my week has been long doesn't mean yours hasn't as well." Butter my butt and call me a biscuit! How did he stay so calm and rationale when I clearly was not!?!?!?
Now because I have the world's greatest therapist, and I have indeed made progress, Chris's rationale (at least to my face) response stopped me in my tracks and forced me to acknowledge what is really going on. I feel out of control...
We are getting into routines here at Boys Home, but they're not natural yet. I'm tired from the time change, but more so from the pain in my shoulder. I do have long days right now, but I know those will end as they are now when camp is over in July and I say goodbye to the Diocese of Kentucky (well maybe just see you later...). I have no idea what will come next. I'm trying to be patient, and I'm pretty good at it--again until I'm not. And while the downstairs of the house is awesome, I still have no kitchen and our bedroom isn't put together. Those are just the things I'm going to admit publicly.
I knew, again because of an amazing therapist, the thing to do was to find something I could control or that at least would make me feel in control. My go-to's--cleaning baseboards and ironing are out of the question. I mean seriously, even I know it would be coo coo for cocoa puffs to clean freshly painted baseboards, and I can't iron because of the dang blasted shoulder. (See if the doctor who asked if it really hurt knew I wasn't ironing because it hurt so badly he wouldn't have had to ask that question!!!! He would also have had to know ironing is one of my favorite things to do.)
While showering it came to me!!! I could make our bed look like the room was put together even though it's not. Stay with me here.
When we decided to accept this call, we agreed our bedroom would be one of the first rooms done and we would get all new bedding and window treatments. I have piecemealed our room together for years. They are on order, but not here yet. I decided several weeks ago (you know prior to losing my sh*t this morning) that it was senseless to put the bed together with the old bedding when we'd have to undo it for the new. Again, this was on the other end of my control spectrum when I was so go with the flow we slept on a mattress on the floor for six weeks....
That all changed this morning. I dug out the bedding, stripped the bed down, got the last set of freshly ironed sheets out of the linen closet, and made that baby right up! I feel so much better.
Life sometimes feels like it's coming at us. We can let it trample us or we can grab it by the horns, swing ourselves up on its bareback, and ride it like the wind!
---and yes I do know moving the mattress to put the dust ruffle on with an injured shoulder was not the smartest thing I've ever done. At least I did it BEFORE pt this afternoon....
I also consider it a win, I have posted a picture of it WITH wrinkles!!
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