I'm Not for Everyone

So I overheard a conversation about me--it wasn't positive. (PSA--before you talk about someone, make sure you've ended the call...) I spent a solid 24 hours pouting, moping, and just all around being hurt. I tried to logic my way out of my feelings, but sometimes you just have to feel yourself through feelings which I was doing quite well--well not getting through but just feeling...

Yesterday morning I was thinking (you can read obsessing and you'd be right) about what was said while cleaning up the kitchen. I picked up some papers and dropped one. I reached down to pick it up and saw it was a note from someone who was thanking me for the very thing about myself that someone else didn't like. 

I went to my desk and pulled my "good notes" file. Thank you Bishop for teaching me to save emails and notes that are uplifting! I read multiple notes from people who said my goofy over the top self helped them see God in a different way. I remembered something else a dear friend and mentor taught me. When someone says something to you or about you that is critical and/or hurtful, think about what part might be true, what you might be able to learn from it, and let the rest go. (Now I'll admit that is way easier said than done--especially the letting go part!)

I know I'm not for everyone. (And I know everyone's not for me.) But I am who God created me to be, and I am trying to live into that. My big fat audacious dream is that I live a life that helps others see and know that no matter who they are, what they've done or not done, how they live or anything else--there is nothing that can separate them from the love of God and that God loves them--there are no exceptions!

This morning as I've been working on my sermon, I've been thinking about what kind of Messiah people expected. I've been thinking about who God is and who God loves (spoiler alert--everyone), and I've been thinking about how God is so much bigger than any of us can imagine. People experience God in different ways, through different experiences and through different people. God is known through the introvert and the extrovert, through the quiet contemplative and through the boisterous, through those who are always serious and through those who never seem to be, through the orderly and through the messy--what is most important is that God and God's unconditional love is known.

Are my feelings hurt? Yes. Do I wish I hadn't heard the comment? Definitely yes. Will I let it go? I'm trying. Am I going to change who I am because of it? Not going to lie I paused at this point with my fingers hovering over the keyboard wondering how to answer...

Am I going to change who I am because of it? A little--I'm going to try to be more compassionate, more understanding of the differences in others. I'm going to try to see God in those who I don't "get." But am I going to change my personality--no.

But I'll probably need to talk about it in therapy!

There Has to Be a Line, Maybe?

I remember, or I think I remember, my mother telling me years ago--in my memory we are in the car driving down Ragley Hall Rd away from the house, don't know where we're going--but I remember Mother saying, "If I compliment y'all too much you'll get big heads and be conceited."

See here's the thing about memories--they may or may not be accurate. The words may or may not be exact. The intent of the words may or may not be understood. But, the impact of memories, even with their inaccuracies, live on in our bodies.

Fast forward to the everyone gets a trophy and everyone gets to be star student generation. Is there a point when compliments become meaningless? I think there is.

I also wonder, is there a difference between a compliment and just saying something nice, something positive, something kind?

I keep thinking there has to be a line. There has to be a line between being complimented by someone so infrequently even the smallest of compliments stand out and are remembered and being complimented by someone so often it's meaningless and their all forgotten.

I know it's so much more complicated--their are personalities, histories, and expectations. 

I do think there is a line somewhere--just not sure it needs to be or should be the proverbial line in the sand. And I think about Jesus writing in the sand. (John 8:1011) He didn't draw a line, but he did write something. And more importantly, he taught us a lesson about judging. He taught us no one is without sin and the importance of compassion and forgiveness. 

See here's the thing. I want Jesus to have also said something about taking responsibility, admitting responsibility, and even begging for forgiveness. I want Jesus to draw that line, and I want to tell him where it needs to be. 

Jesus doesn't draw lines, if anything Jesus draws a circle, a circle around the whole world, and we're all on the inside.