Last night I was invited to attend a book club. There were nine women there all of whom had known each other for over 3 years. Six of them had children all attending the same school. I had a wonderful time and really enjoyed being out with a group of women (I also enjoyed the converstation on the Count of Monte Cristo). So how do I go from them to lying in bed wondering whether I was liked? All the evidence shows that they did--I was invited to come back and even asked to host one for next year. But I tossed and turned wondering whether I talked too much, not enough (probably not possible), said something stupid, seemed snobby, childish, or any other number of adjectives--none of them positive. Is it insecurity, low self esteem, or exhaustion of being on the perpetual first date? This morning I am trying to answer that question and I think it is all of the above plus a little bit of something I don't want to admit.
During the readings for daily prayer, Romans 2:1 says, "If you think you can judge others, you are wrong. When you judge them, you are really judging yourself guilty, because you do the same things they do." That smacked me in the face. Part of my anxiety is that I have dissected others after first meeting them to decide if they were like me or would be a good friend. I have judged so of course I am worried that I was judged. I have been on both sides. What can I learn from this? Well I have much more to learn, but one thing I do know is that first judgements are not always accurate. There are people in my life so important to me and I wouldn't havethought that would have happened after the first time we met. There are others that I thought would become fast good friends and found out that it wasn't going to be. Is this over for me? Not at all; I suspect that I will spend my lifetime struggling with being on both sides, but I hope that more times than not I am not judging. My prayer is that I will remember this day and remember that by judging I too will be judged.
It's hard right now when I have no local friends and really want some. It's hard to feel lonely and see a group of women and want at least one of them to become a good trusted friend. Maybe one of them will be--maybe they all judged me and I will find I don't want to be friends with any of them. I don't know yet, but I do know that I have been changed by acknowledging that I have been judged and I have judged.
3 comments:
Good post. I wonder if we like those people who are like us. That's natural - but we wouldn't get very far in the peace processes like that.
Is it a test of maturity that we can cross the boundaries and hang out with those who aren't like us which is being hospitable and trusting of one another?
Katherine...my sweet Katherine...remember when we met? You were in the midst of marrying Chris...I was recovering from my own wedding just one week prior? We got "the boys" together and then spent the whole time wondering whether we all liked each other and HERE WE ARE...15 years later...by the way...we LOVE YOU! Katherine...I really do love you...here you go...a hug from 4000 miles away...and yes...those book club ladies like you. They are probably wondering whether you like them. Just be Katherine...it's the best way to be and I really like Ann Katherine...just the way she is.
How could they not have liked you. EfM manchester is still grieving at your leaving....how very rude of Chris to want to go back to Ky. Christopher !
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