Reality and The Ring

Caroline's lost pinky, for better or worse, has played a part of our family's narrative for almost as long as anyone in our family can remember.   It is a part of who she is, and because we are Doyles, it is a part of who we all are.  For the most part, it has been a nonevent in our daily lives, but every once in awhile....

Caroline wanted a monogram ring for Christmas and Daddy and my Bonus Mama, Marguerite, bought her a beautiful one.  Two weeks ago when we were in Augusta she got it.  (It had been on back order.) She was so excited and it looked beautiful on her hand.  She has the most gorgeous long, thin fingers with nails I have to pay to try to emulate.  It was perfect.  Sarah Katherine, Caroline, and I were all admiring it and how perfectly it fit her finger.  (I suspect SK was silently gloating as she indeed was the one who chose it.)  Caroline left the room for a moment and when she returned she held up her left hand.  She had moved the ring from her right to her left hand.  As she held it up she said, "This is what my hand will look like with an engagement ring on it.  It looks weird." And with that a look we rarely see on her face appeared--a sad look in her eyes and she lowered her head.  My heart stopped; I froze and my mind raced with what to say to make it okay.  I wanted to deny that her hand looked any differently than any other girl's left hand would with a ring on it.   I wanted to lie to her and for her to believe me.  I wanted to say, "well it will be a long time before we have to deal with that" and for that to make it okay. I wanted to change the subject and avoid the reality.   This was one of those moments I had dreaded; it was here, and I was paralyzed.  But Sarah Katherine, Caroline's biggest advocate, protector and best friend, calmly said, "Well it looks different, but it doesn't look bad.  I think it just means that you'll need a great big diamond and I'm sure you'll get it."  Sarah Katherine did what I did not; she named a reality and thereby took control of it.  

Caroline's head raised, her eyes began to sparkle again and she smiled.  Then in true Caroline form, she added, "Or I can just marry a Jewish person--they wear their's on their right hand."