The Stole

I had the great honor of  meeting The Rev. Alan Houghton in August of 1996.  Sarah Katherine was 11 months old and her Godfather and our close friend Carter Houghton invited Chris, myself, and SK to Pawley's Island for a week.  Three other men were invited, so the house was filled with me, SK, four bachelors and Chris. (That may seem an odd combination--well because it is, but it was a wonderful week nonetheless!)

Every morning I would wake up, pick up bottles and tops--not SK's and not because I was trying to be guest of the year or subservient woman but rather because I had an 11 month old walking around.  Every morning almost as though he was watching, as I finished, Alan (which he quickly asked me to call him) came over with coffee and an assortment of newspapers. He and I sat on the deck (at this I was trying to be guest of the year seeing as an 11 month old makes more noise than bachelors who have been up late with aforementioned bottles, might enjoy) and talked as we sipped our coffee, read the paper and watched Sarah Katherine.  Anyone who knows The Rev. Houghton knows he is a brilliant man both because of his education as well as his life experience.  He  can talk theology, politics, current events and just about anything else.  I loved listening to him share his knowledge, his life stories, and a few good stories about Carter that I am still keeping to use at the appropriate time--say with his children.  It was a highlight of the week--a gracious, charming, brilliant gentleman took time out of his morning each day to spend with me, an 11 month old he barely knew and the others as they slowly emerged.

Fast forward three more children and 10 years.  Our family was living in England as were Carter, his wife Ingrid and their two children.  One weekend while we were visiting I was sharing with them that I was in the discernment process for the priesthood.  Several days later our phone rang--"Katherine, I hope you remember me, this is Alan Houghton."  That's how he was--unassuming--remember him?  How could I have forgotten him; frankly I was more surprised he remembered me and even more surprised by the conversation.  "I hope you don't mind but recently Carter and Ingrid told me about you and discernment.  Can we talk?"  A hundred things were going through my mind.  Was he against women's ordination? Was he going to tell me it was a terrible idea?  Why was he making a transatlantic call about this?  Instead I said, "Yes sir."  "Katherine, I remember sitting with you many mornings that summer you were here.  I have to tell you that when Carter and Ingrid told me I wasn't surprised.  I can't say that I ever left the deck saying you'd be a priest, but based on those conversations I'm not surprised.  I'd like to pray for you daily and I need to know if in addition to praying for you and the discernment committees you have any specific things for which I could pray?"  I was speechless--and that doesn't happen often, and it didn't last long.  Without knowing what I was going to say I blurted out, "Please pray for my family.  I don't know how this will effect them."    There was a long pause and Alan said, "Those are important prayers and ones I will make certain are said daily.  Becoming a priest does impact your family and not always for the best.  But I believe in my heart you are called to this and with support and prayer I think you can do it.  Now I remember Sarah Katherine, but I'm kind of getting old.  Could you remind me of your other children's names?"  He made certain he had their spellings correct.  We spent the next 45 minutes talking about the priesthood--his joys and challenges and his belief about where the church was moving.  And he shared with me why he thought I was called and what I could offer as a gift to the church.  As the conversation ended Alan asked for my address; he asked if I would be willing to continue conversations with him either by phone or mail during my process, and we prayed.   I hung up the phone and tears streamed down my face.  It wasn't only that someone had affirmed my calling, there were others who had (I am equally thankful for them), but this man had met me once and yet he took the time to reach out to me.  I was overwhelmed knowing that he would be praying for me and my family.

A few weeks later I received a book of prayers that Alan had written along with a note.  Over the next couple of years I received a few other notes--often very short but always handwritten. I again saw Alan in July of 2009 at Carter and Ingrid's third child's (and Chris' and my Godchild) baptism.  Alan had clearly aged, but he remembered our original conversation, asked about each of the children by name, and told me that he continued to pray daily for me and the family.  Alan told me he wanted to be at my ordination, and I believe he did although due to health he was unable to make the trip.  As I stood in the front of the church with my family around me, as Christopher high fived me, SK sang the Venite Sancte Spiritus, and the babies and Chris surrounded me, I knew that a large part of how we all got to this place was the prayers of The Rev. Alan Houghton and a phone call many years ago.

New Year's Day Alan's daughter and my good friend Hope handed me a beautifully wrapped box.    I unwrapped the package, opened the box, and my heart stopped.  I knew instantly what it was--one of Alan's stoles.  "We wanted you to have it," Hope said.  There are truly no words to describe what this stole means to me. I have tried countless times to write a thank you note--it still needs to be written but I have no words.   I have held and studied the stole--the worn parts I know were worn by Alan's fingers as he vested each Sunday and I like to think that in some way my ministry is now connected to and a continuation of Alan's.

The Stole

Today, for the first time, I was able to wear the stole as I celebrated the Eucharist.  I began vesting; I knew it was going to be a special time, but I was not prepared for the emotions that surged through me.  I closed the door to my office as my tears spilled over; I kissed the cross on the nape and as I placed the stole around my neck I gave thanks for the life and ministry of The Rev. Alan Houghton.
After the service as I removed the stole it occurred to me that Alan taught me something else.  He taught me that as members of humanity and members of the community of faith--as people who are called to be the hands and feet of Christ on earth, we are to reach out to others, to acknowledge their gifts and to support and encourage them, but beyond them we need  to ask them how we can help and then to follow through.  It is taking time out of our lives to invest in someone else's even if that someone else is someone we casually met one summer.