It was late--well kind of--8:15 and y'all were coming out with your dinner. There were three of you. I saw you Mama and you middle school daughter exchange some difficult words (I couldn't hear them), but I heard you daughter say, "I hate you." and turn, rolling your eyes and running back to your daddy where you grabbed his hand and said, "She'll never understand." And you Mama walked past me and I saw tears in your eyes. This is what I wanted to say to you--to stop you and to tell you (although that might have been kind of creepy).
Daughter--You think she doesn't understand you, but here's the thing--she understands being a middle school girl all too well and she wants nothing more than to protect you from the pain of these years. Your mama wants to breathe all the courage and security into you that she didn't have, and she wants to suck out all the pain and insecurity that she had. She wants you to know that regardless of what the world tells you, you are enough, more than enough.
When you walked away, her heart broke as it will break many times over the next few years. But she will put it back together again and again because you're worth it. Tonight you will lay in bed texting your friends, checking social media, and listening to music. She will lay in bed and wonder what she did wrong, how she is failing you, and terrified you will one day leave home and never come back. She's panic-stricken you won't ever want to talk to her like you used to, and she misses you.
And she will be there for you, I can promise you that, no matter how many times you say you hate her, roll your eyes or slam your door, she will always be your number one fan and love you unconditionally.
Mama--She doesn't really hate you. It's been a long week, and she's had to keep it together. She's had to pretend at school that she has it altogether but she doesn't believe for one minute she does. You are her safe spot, the one person she knows she can say anything to and you will still love her fiercely and unconditionally. She is scared to death of wanting to be different from you and at the same time wanting you to be proud of her and not sure the two can co-exist.
She is insecure and scared and you remind her that she is expected to grow up into the competent loving woman she believes you are. She doesn't know if she can measure up, and she doesn't understand that you already think she is more than you ever were or will be. She doesn't know that she is the best thing you have ever done, and all the confidence she thinks you have is one big lie.
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| She'll give you more credit than you deserve |
The next few years are going to be hard--an emotional roller coaster for you both. But keep on loving, keep on forgiving, keep on offering grace--it does matter--she will remember, she needs you, and she will make you
more proud than you've ever been in your entire life only because she is going to become herself--the self God wants her to be, the self God created her to be. You have no idea today how wonderful she is going to become; you have no idea that in a few short years you will be bursting with pride as you watch her grow and change. She probably won't be the person that today you think she will become--she will be something even more spectacular. It might happen when she gets to college, or it might happen later. She's worth the wait.
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| One day you won't be in the middle |
Love,
Someone who wishes she had known
Madre Doyle
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