Nine is Enough

Last night on our way to dinner having just reunited the entire

O'Doyle family, Caroline, SK and I were sitting in the back seat.  Caroline leans over me (yes they put their Mama in the middle...) and says, "SK, I can never really be a surfer dude."  Now anyone who knows Caroline knows most comments are not as innocent or as obvious as they seem.  So if you're thinking, "Of course you can't because a) you're a girl and b) you live in the midwest nowhere near the ocean." (which is a shame itself...), then you don't know Caroline.  I do, so I held my breath as I asked, "Why not?" She puts both hands up starts shaking them and says, "Because making the hang loose sign looks weird with only 9 fingers."

Without missing a beat she says, "Oh that reminds me of biology."  (Seriously I can't keep up with her conversations or how they connect either--and she's not even our ADHD child.)  "I love biology," she continued, "Or rather I love when we finish biology early and play the name the top 10 things game."  We didn't even have time to be worried about why she loves that game, although it did fleetingly cross my mind that it might not be G rated--earlier she told us about looking up words from rap songs on urban dictionary...she just kept right on and said, "Then me and Mr. Karrer look at each other sand say, 'or the top 9 so Caroline can play.'"

The rest of us burst out laughing as we typically do when Caroline is talking, but then my heart leapt. I was bursting with happiness and love for Mr. Karrer.  I put a post on facebook about it (Hello, my name is Katherine and I'm a chronic facebook overposter...) Some people--actually lots of people totally understood the post--but I realize what has become so normal, so obvious to our family, such a non event, for others may be cryptic (or more cryptic than I usually am).  It's true; Caroline has nine fingers--Caroline lost her left pinky at 25 months. (The whole story is here: Caroline Lost Her Pinky).  And yes Aunt Christy she should write a children's book called Nine is Enough.

Over the years our family has worked really hard to normalize what happened--to not make a big deal about what happened, but as any mama knows there have been times of heart wrenching pain as I've worried that people will be unkind and sometimes people have been unkind (read cruel)--I have never wanted to hurt a child until the day in England when Caroline came home from school and said, "The girls don't want to sit with me because I only have 9 fingers. ________ said it's grouse to hold my hand." It hasn't always been children--there was a time a teacher made her hold her hands up in class to show everyone.  Can I just say, this tries to stay out of things Mama was in the principal's office within minutes after hearing that! (It's not just a Mama's pain and worry--Chris has his own, but that's his story which I try to respect.)

Caroline, on the other hand, has embraced her hands just as she's embraced life--fully and with pure joy.  (She asks for a 10% discount when she gets a manicure...)  What made my heart leap last night was knowing there were others who did too--knowing there was someone who didn't shush conversation about it, didn't try to change the subject or allow awkward silence, but instead not only let Caroline embrace her hands but embraced them too.  

There are many reasons I love the Collegiate community, the students, faculty, staff and other parents, many reasons I am grateful we are able to be a part of this community.  There are many more reasons to love Mr. Karrer who has become a favorite in our home, but last night, hearing how he engages with Caroline about her hands--well let's just say, he's now part of my heart family forever (and that may really scare him!!)!

May everyone accept and live  life with the joy of Caroline and the grace and compassion of Peter Karrer. I promise the world would not only be a funnier place but a better place.