Advent, Waiting, and Blowing Up Christmas

The other night I was talking to a friend about Christmas traditions--our family has a TON! While recognizing I created these tradition monsters, I am NOT the one who insists we do everything exactly the same every year--from pj's and books on Christmas Eve (hell hath no fury like the four monsters er I mean children the year I bought robes instead of pajamas!)to where pictures have to be taken, to the meal, to the order of opening....and the list goes on.....but last year was different and that's what I was telling her.....

Last year for the first year ever I didn't think all four children would be home and my heart hurt--it wasn't that Boss wasn't going to be home because he was with the love of his life or was on some fabulous trip--no, he had to work and he would be alone. I could find no joy (and I’m sure I’d be FINE if it was the other..) I had no energy-- no energy to decorate the house, no energy to bake cookies, no energy to put out the advent calendar, no energy to continue the traditions without all four. I decided that it would be a good idea to do something different so I didn't have to remember I was missing 1/5 of my heart. I told myself we could return to the traditions the next year when they would all be home. The traditions would just have to wait.

My, I believe great idea, was to BLOW UP CHRISTMAS--literally.  Everyone, except one who shall remain anonymous but might be the one who has had the traditions the longest, was all for it. (or perhaps they were just all for making sure their mama didn't cry every day....)

Every week Chris and I added another inflatable to the yard--it was totally not us. It made me smile; it made me laugh even if it didn't feel like Christmas.

The First Week

As I'm telling my friend this story fully expecting her to also agree I was perhaps the most creative genius that ever had to celebrate the holidays for the first time without all the children, she looked at me, somewhat kindly, and said, "I get you were sad and Boss wasn't going to be here, but what about the other children? Didn't they want to keep the traditions? Wasn't it important for them?"

I deflated like one of the blowups when the cord is pulled.....

This conversation, along with my renewed commitment to running, has made me think deeply about the holidays. As we begin to approach Advent I have been thinking about what that means--

Advent is a time of waiting...

So many of us are waiting for so many things...children to come home for the holidays, reconciliation with loved ones, a new job, retirement,  grief to subside,  a loved one to enter recovery, graduation, college admissions, enduring pain to end, release from the monsters in our minds---and the list goes on. Sometimes the waiting can paralyze us; sometimes the waiting can make us impatient; sometimes the waiting can make us say or do things we may or may not be proud of---much of the time the waiting is anguish.

During Advent we are waiting to celebrate the birth of the Christ child--the incarnate--the flesh of God coming to dwell among us. We are waiting both to celebrate what happened over 2000 years ago and to acknowledge that we are also waiting for the second coming--for the Kingdom of God to fully break into this dark world where pain seems unbearable and waiting seems interminable.

The One Tradition We Kept

As I've been running and thinking it occurs to me that yes we are waiting, but God is asking us to continue living. Advent isn't about doing nothing and waiting for our pain to end, our hearts to heal, the darkness to be lifted. Advent is about being the light--reaching out in our, through our, and despite our pain. God is asking us to remember and reach out to all those who need to feel and experience God's love (perhaps through traditions), and through our reaching out we too will experience God's comfort and love. God is asking us to not get so caught up in our own lives, our own pain, our own grief that we forget others. God is asking us to join with God to help bring the second Advent to a close more quickly. God is asking us to love.

(Oh and all four ended up being home last year and will be again this year--let the traditions continue!)