Facebook Brought Me Back to Prayer

I am a social media over poster, over sharer, over user--just say it

over the top. 

Except when I'm not.

Then I scroll through memories and post some of those frankly in order to keep my wise friends (one in particular all the way down in Georgia who I neglect often but who always knows how I am because of my facebook habit) from texting me to ask what's going on. They know me well...too well

What's going on? I've been feeling down and useless and unproductive and boring and so I scroll through facebook memories.

Okay being honest here---over the last few weeks I've been scrolling through the memories and laughing and crying and feeling sad (you can read feeling sorry for myself if you want to) and feeling angry--so very angry.

I'm laughing at some of the things that have happened over the years; I'm crying missing those who are no longer with me or for the memories, the times, the fun. And I'm angry EVERY time a post about running pops up in the memories.

Four days ago I had a reality check--a slap my head and call me silly moment--The Rev. Laurie Brock might have been a part of it. I honestly can't remember what the whole theme of her talk was (sorry Laurie--see above--I've been a little self centered and morose), but I "heard" her talking about different ways we connect with God --ways we pray. And I'll admit it--I got angry--really angry.

But I was in public...

So I sat down on the floor pretending I had to do my knee exercises (well I did need to do them, but I also didn't want everyone there to see the red flush creeping up my neck and the tears in my eyes. I didn't want them to see me throw a full blown overly tired toddler hissy fit). Over and over I thought, "I had a GREAT prayer life!  It was running, and now I can't do it--any of it! I can't run and I can't pray!"

The next morning I was still madder than a wet hen. I mean mad enough to chew up nails and spit out a barbed wire fence. (Also really really happy I had finally met Laurie--who totally understands these expressions to know how mad I was.) I sat in the same spot of the sofa where I've been sitting for five weeks; I completed my exercises and started the icing; I scrolled through facebook memories; and for the first time in weeks, I prayed.

I prayed for the posts from others and for the people in my newsfeed.

I prayed for the people in the memories.

I prayed prayers of thanksgivings for the times of joy and fun and laughter.

I prayed prayers of grief over those who no longer are with us, over the memories that reminded me of hard times and struggles and thanksgivings for those hard times that are behind us.

I prayed prayers of thanksgivings for the lessons I learned from people and places and experiences.

And I cried out in anger and grief over the memories that came popped up about running.

Every morning since I settle in for the first icing of the morning, open facebook and begin my prayers....