Community, Liturgy and Slapping the Pier

For thirty two years.....

For 32 years I have run down the beach...

For 32 years I have run down the beach and slapped the pier...

For at least 21 years I have run down the beach, used it as a time of prayer, and slapped the pier....

For 10 years I have run down the beach, used it as a time of prayer, listened to Barbara Brown Taylor's An Altar in the World, and slapped the pier.....

Not this year.... and it sucks (sorry I'm using the word I probably hate most in the world), and I've been thinking about it ever since that day in March when I was told I had to have a total knee replacement immediately and he recommends I never run again.

The reality is here--I'm at the beach barely able to walk (just got rid of the cane Friday), and yes it does that word I've already said once and don't want to say again. I'm really really sad and frustrated and angry--all the things my therapist tell me equals situational depression.

Last week a dear and wise friend (who I don't have to pay--but trust me B is worth every penny), Bob Valvano wrote these words.

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Let me offer some tips on interacting with people who battle depression.

Even if it's not "clinical" depression...just someone who is obviously burdened by something in his or her life.

Don't say, "Smile! C'mon it's not so bad..."

When you do that it's actually an insult of sorts.
The listener thinks "Not only do I feel badly, but evidently I'm stupid too, since I can't see what appears so obvious to you."

When you say. "Hey you shouldn't be so sad. Look at all the great things in your life."

That often doesn't help, because INTELLECTUALLY, the listener probably knows they have a lot of good things. They may openly feel and often express how blessed they are.

It STILL doesn't stop them from feeling down...overwhelmed...helpless...

In fact, that too is hurtful because it implies the listener isn't grateful. In fact, they could probably tell you ALL the things they know they are blessed with.

It doesn't matter at that moment.

If you remind the person fighting this feeling, "Hey you've got it a lot better than many other people " you'd probably be reminded it's not a competition.

As I've been sitting on the beach each morning watching the dogs, who by the way are very confused about us not running--more on that later, I keep thinking about these words and all the things people have told me.

And yes I get it. It could be worse. At least I can still walk. There are other forms of exercise. This too shall pass. There are other people who are grieving far worse things than not being able to run again. I have a beautiful beach house (thank you Daddy and Marguerite) where I can go to recover. Yes, I get it and I remind myself of all these things every day. Bob's right--it doesn't matter at this moment. (And I'm sorry to anyone that offends)

There is something though....

Last week I was having dinner with a friend who has been to our home many times. She looked at me lovingly and said, "I know it's going to be hard not being able to slap the pier this summer." Nothing else--just acknowledgement, just understanding, just love. 

The next day I received a text from another very good and wise friend again about the sadness I must feel getting ready to go to the beach and not being able to slap the pier. She went even further--"maybe you can come up with some sort of ritual or something to say good bye."

I sat on the beach this morning watching people I've passed for years passing me. One stopped and said, "Not running this year?" I told her about what happened. I told her I'd just have to sit this year. She responded, "Sitting is good. Sitting is good for the soul. Sitting is simple and powerful. See you tomorrow."

I'm still sad, but I know I'm not alone. There is a community who sees me and loves me. Community--that's important.

I also know I have to find a ritual to say goodbye (other than just buying a new towel and new tervis although those help)to what was and embrace what is to come. That's liturgy. THAT feeds my soul. 

I just need to know--can I still title the book I plan to write one day Running with Pearls?











I named Bob because he made his words public. The other friends didn't, but everyone needs to hear their wise and loving words. Thank you Jamie and Jennifer.