I Will Finish

I have a goal. It's a good goal and for a worthy reason/cause you choose the verb (and one day I'll share that). But it's not as easy as I thought it would be. 

Not entirely true--I knew it wouldn't be easy--or rather the middle aged, recovering from total knee replacement in April 2019 part of me knew it wouldn't be easy. The frustrated, hardheaded, competitive, adolescent athlete that lives in my dreams--well let's say she had different plans.

Anyway....

This morning I set out for a 4 mile run. I anticipated it would be a little harder than usual as I'm in the mountains. As I got to the first cross walk I consciously made the decision NOT to pause runkeeper so that I could tell myself the reason my pace was slower than I wanted was because of having to stop at red lights. I'm not kidding y'all--these are conversations I have with myself.

I found the green space my friend told me about and was thankful it was mostly flat. I was feeling sluggish, so as I was approaching 2 miles I decided to switch from podcasts to music hoping that would help me push through.

The very first song that came on was "Sweet Caroline." I might have pumped my fist. I definitely started smiling. I thought about my sweet Caroline and knew that because this was the first song that came on I was going to sail through the next 2 miles. This was destiny!

I thought about how hard my sweet Caroline worked her senior year of high school to get through injuries and play what we all thought would be her last year playing basketball. And then I thought about how hard she worked last summer to get in shape to begin playing at Randolph.  I thought to myself, "She is an inspiration to me. I am going to follow her lead."

At mile 2.5 my hamstring tightened...

I tried to convince myself fighting through was the best option--then that ridiculous middle aged, recovering from total knee replacement in April 2019, voice said, "Um, my dear, you always tell your children to listen to their bodies." Why that woman wants to talk to me is beyond me!

But listen I did. Then I had a great idea! I would follow the advice of an old (in number of years knowing each other not age) friend. She says, "Just get out and run. Run one song and walk the next and keep going." Thanks Kit! That's what I'm going to do. (Fun fact--most songs last for about .25 miles).

As I was running I thought about the strength and courage all four of my children have recently displayed. SK started a new job that is challenging and exciting and will both stretch her and let her live into her gifts. I am always amazed at her depth, passion and drive. Boss has shown more courage, humility and grace in the last 8 months than some people show in their entire lives. William's drive to be the best he can be not just for himself but for his team reminds me there is little in this life worth doing if it's not about community. He is hands down the best team player I have ever known.  And Caroline's determination to meet and exceed her goals gives me courage and strength. I am so lucky to be the mother of these incredible human beings. I kept thinking about each of them thinking that would get me through...

And I guess it did. Run one song, walk one song, run one song, walk one song.

I was walking and Carrie Newcomer's song "The Things I've Gone and Done" came on. Just as I was beginning to wonder if I would be able to do the run again she sang these words, "Just because the odds are bad, doesn't mean you shouldn't risk. Don't believe it will not happen just because it hasn't happened yet." I started to think--well this goal won't happen just yet, and then--y'all I cannot make this stuff up!

The next song that game on was The Nitty Gritty Dirt Bands "Fishing in the Dark." I took off. I pumped the air. I finished strong remembering the days at UVA running with Dana to this song. I remembered the first 10 miler I ever ran--it was with my Chi O sisters, and it was hard and cold and I didn't finish as fast as some, but I finished.

And I finished today--and I will finish in two months. And my husband who loves and supports me even though he thinks I'm completely nuts will show up and love me (even if it means nursing me through another surgery--which it won't says the hardheaded adolescent.

It's amazing to me how God shows up over and over and over again. God shows up in so many ways and today it was through people and music and memories.