Triggered--How Dare You!?!?!

My whole body responded last night, and I felt my mind shut down and then explode.

Today it's worse. I feel sick to my stomach and heartbroken for so many, myself included, who heard what came across to me, as an attack last night. My hands are shaking as I'm trying to type.

I don't want to rehash the whole thing. You can read about it here. (Biden's Son's Story) Here's the gist--in a debate or let's call it a job interview, a man's son's addiction was "outed" for all the world to hear presumably (or how I heard it) to question the man's parenting ability and thus his ability to hold the job. For many of us hearing those statements, the job, whatever it may be in our own lives, and our ability to do it is no longer the focus. Instead, we hear yet again, "If only you'd been a better parent. You are a failure. You are not enough."

News alert--we've already asked ourselves the question of what we could have done "better" over and over and over. Sometimes we understand we did our best and addiction is a disease, and sometimes we see something or hear something that puts us right back into that place of believing the "if I'd only...." We've already spent hours and hours believing we were failures, and with the help of others have slowly crawled out of that hole. Thank you for trying to push us back down. 

For those of us with children in recovery, sometimes we are laughing and smiling and so relieved our child is healthy and let's just name it alive, and sometimes we close the bathroom door, turn on the shower, and shake and sob because we are terrified (often for no good reason) our child is using again. We don't need to be reminded of those long dark days, months, and sometimes years--they are permanent parts of our bodies. They are permanent scars on our hearts. But thank you for announcing to the world there are people who also will never forget and will use it against us over and over. Thank you for making it okay for people to use our pain against us. Thank you for making sure we continue to be demonized and judged. 

And as for our children in recovery or even still in addiction? HOW DARE YOU!?!?!? How dare you

continue to bring up their past--often embellished (that's my priestly way of saying f***ing lies)? How dare you say their names in public places using them to hurt us? How dare you insinuate addiction deserves to be punished for the rest of their lives or that it means people are weak or less than? How dare you out a family's private pain for your benefit? How dare you?!?!?! Go after me; go after my qualifications, but keep your f***ing mouth shut about my child.

I cannot speak for those in recovery from a first-person perspective. I can say I know it is hard freaking work. I don't know if last night people in recovery were triggered as I was. My guess is some were, and my heart hurts for them. I want you to know although I may not know your names, I'm carrying them in my heart. I want you to know you are amazing and strong and loved. Hold your head high, keep fighting your fight, you are braver and stronger than anyone I know--and definitely braver and stronger than anyone who uses your story to make themselves look better. 

Yes, I was triggered last night by one person, but he is not the only one who does this to families who have dealt with or are dealing with addiction. Last night I was triggered, and now I'm mad. Really, really, really mad.