It's Time to Break the Rules

I'm a rule follower to a fault. How can that be you ask? (and I'm sure it's because you're wondering how being a rule follower can be anything but perfect and NOT because you doubt my self-proclamation). For a slightly inappropriate to share example, watch this video. 

But seriously, even my Bishop told me I sometimes should stop and maybe question. (I'm wondering if a) he remembers telling me that and b) he regrets telling me!) 

Anyway, I grew up in the deep south where there was an unwritten rule--unwritten but not unspoken and definitely taught to us from the time we were knee-high to a grasshopper. You do NOT under any circumstances talk about money, religion, or politics outside of the family. In fact, sometimes you don't talk about it inside the family or with certain family members. (In our family you also didn't talk about sex, but that is a waaaaay different blog post and one I may need some time before I can tackle...time or bourbon or both.)

Yesterday I saw on a high school friend's FaceBook post. "I have never known the political affiliation of as many friends as I do now." That made me take a pause--it's exactly right. And I'd be lying if I didn't say some people's politics have surprised me. I'll be totally honest (and trust me some of this over the years has also been judgemental) I have also over the years been surprised at what some of my long time friends have posted about religion. 

Sometimes, too often I'm sad to say, some of these comments about politics and/or religion have led to, let's put on my southern lady mouth and say fiesty back and forth. (Bless their hearts) Other times, they have led to fruitful conversations--conversations grounded in love for one another, in relationship with one another. Conversations that don't end with everyone holding hands and singing kum bah ya, but conversations that end with more understanding. 

I wonder, no I don't wonder, I believe it's time to throw those "polite" rules out and let's be real with one another. Why has it taken this horrible divisive name-calling (on both sides) election for me to know what really matters to people I love dearly? There are things I cannot and will not EVER understand and that is anything that goes against respecting the dignity of every human being, but what I'm learning is that what separates me from those I love who vote differently than me is not our common core belief that all are equal and all are beloved children of God. 

I firmly believe marriage equality not only passed in the Supreme Court but also at The Episcopal Church General Convention because we TALKED to one another about eegads sexuality and faith. We talked about what it means to be created in the Image of God. We had hard conversations. Many people changed their minds, and I believe it is because we were brave and broke the "rules" and because we were in relationship with one another. 

I have been distraught over the politics in this nation. I have been angry. I have cried. I have wanted to run away. The results of this election--the almost 50/50 split, however, do not tell me we are so far apart, so divided that we are in danger of breaking, but it does tell me while both sides have "believed" (and for the record maybe we need a better way to distinguish each other than the other "side") they are the majority, we now know there is no decided majority.  Knowing people who have voted on both sides confirms that for me. I think what we can best learn from this election is its time to really talk to each other, to find common ground, to agree on core values, to challenge one another, but above all to love. This election has shown me I can't swing a cat in a room full of family and friends and not hit people who are on "the other side." (that dumb word again). And I think we need both sides. I don't think either side has all the answers or can fix all the problems. I think for us to be united we have to bring ALL of us together with all our differences. 

I think it's time to break the rules...let's talk.

*Let me be VERY clear. This does not mean I will accept racist, homophobic, misogynist, white supremacist behavior. But I do believe there are more of us on both sides who agree on that than we know. Our polite voices are being drowned out. Let's unite our voices from both sides and make a difference.