If you had told me 10 years ago I would enjoy--don't pass out when you read this---even love empty nest, I would have laughed in your face. (Thank you for not now laughing in mine...)
I loved being Mama to four children. I loved being able to stay home with them. I loved the years of color-coded, chaotic, crazy calendars. (and clearly, I love alliteration) I really did. And I remember thinking at times, I never want this stage to end. But then the next stage was also fun and the next and the next. That doesn't keep me from missing certain stages and getting teary-eyed when I look back at pictures.
There are definitely some stages I would be okay with not repeating...
As I've been sitting here for coming up on three days watching election results, I've been thinking a lot about the stages of the children growing up and what I've learned.
This is an aside which comes into play--I am also glad we moved a lot. (well for this reason I'm glad, but moving is not for the faint of heart--read on!)
When the children were very little and just getting borned as they used to call it, their best friends were the children of our best friends. We had and have the most amazing group of friends we did EVERYTHING with in Athens. My sister told me at the time it was not normal. The wives were besties, the husbands didn't call each other besties--was besties even a term then? I guess you'd say they were bros, and our children interacted like a litter of puppies. Sometimes I wonder if they got confused about who birthed who? And then we all moved away--well almost all of us.
We've stayed friends, but the all getting back together at the same time? That doesn't happen often if at all and definitely not with the whole families. Social media keeps the children "connected" but they don't really know each other. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if we had all stayed and egads our children decided they didn't want to be best friends? (I know I know people deal with this all the time.)
Lucky for me we got to move 4 more times so I got to repeat, and I also got to see up close and personal the change from me choosing their friends to them having the audacity to choose their own.
Moving to Louisville was our hardest move for many reasons. A big one was they no longer needed or wanted me to go on playdates with them. For the record, they also don't like me saying playdates anymore either.
Y'all are wondering how this all comes together aren't you? Well, hold on here it goes. The other day after a dinner with some of the children and a few (boy/girl) friends, I thought about how much I am enjoying this time. I am enjoying the conversations we are having--even the heated ones. I am enjoying listening to and sometimes agreeing with their perspectives. I am enjoying being challenged and affirmed. And I am enjoying the people they have brought into our lives that they chose and that have different backgrounds, different life stories, different perspectives, and different ideas. (I still think we'd make great in-laws with the Balls. Can I get an amen Gillian?)
One of the things I like about FaceBook (besides the ability to be an over-poster) is to look back at memories. Recently I've been looking at the many people who have come into and some stayed and some passed through our lives. Over the years the children's "groups" have both stayed the same and changed. People have come into our lives that immediately fit like a glove and others whom we have grown to love as we have spent time together. '
Watching the polls come in has been surprising. I'm not sure anyone (well I'm sure there's someone) realized how almost exactly split down the middle our country is. That means, there are people in the world and in our lives, many people in fact, who think differently than we do, who hold different priorities. Is now the time to cut those people out of our lives? (Yes, sometimes that is necessary--but all 50% of the other side?) Or, is now the time to stop choosing to be only with people we can easily be besties and bros with?
Now here's the deep dark truth. There have been times I have seriously questioned the choice of friends some of my children have made. There I said it. I'll also confess, and they will agree, I wasn't always subtle about my opinion. Sometimes I was right, many times I was wrong. Here's the other not so fun to admit truth. I'll bet there are parents out there who seriously questioned their children being friends with mine. Don't tell my children, but I think I'm a better person because I let go (read my fingers were pried one by one from a death grip) of choosing their people. My world expanded, my tolerance and inclusivity grew exponentially.
So maybe that's what we need to do in our country. Stop acting like the parents of toddlers who try to keep our worlds very safe and confined and instead trust that we have something to learn from others. Maybe now is the time to listen to one another and try to understand. Maybe now is the time to stop thinking about the "good ole' days" when we loved everything and knew we were right about everything. We didn't; we weren't; and really, we have no choice. If we are going to move forward in this country we are going to have to move into this next stage of our country. Or we can all keep playing tug of war and refuse to give up any of our grip. It's 50/50 y'all; if we don't try with each other, no one will "win", we'll just get tired and our arms will hurt.
Granted my arms need some toning, but I'd rather expand my heart. My children taught me I could do that.
No comments:
Post a Comment